


third time's the charm, right?

by pockethyewon



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Angst, Angst and Humor, Drinking, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Mental Health Issues, Mentioned LOONA Ensemble, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Pining, god these tags are a mess just like jiwoo, i tried making jiwoo a complex character but that comes later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:40:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 22,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29965128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pockethyewon/pseuds/pockethyewon
Summary: Jiwoo is a gay that can't legally drive, yet. It takes three tries, but she finally gets it right, and I'm not just talking about her license.
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Kim Jiwoo | Chuu, Jeon Heejin/Kim Jiwoo | Chuu
Comments: 11
Kudos: 60





	1. strike one

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to my first full-length fic! this was supposed to be short but inspired by the way I failed my first driving exam and it took on a life of its own. i hope you enjoy!

As winter descended onto Earth, Jiwoo walked into the building with her head held high, undeniably sure that today she would receive her long-awaited driver’s license. 

At the ripe old age of 23, it was high time she started driving herself places instead of getting rides from her overly sympathetic friends, aka Jungeun. Although she knew a lot of people with cars, Jungeun’s trusty 2012 Kia Carnival was often available in all its soccer mom glory.

But, it was fitting Jiwoo’s best friend had a Carnival because Jungeun’s weakness for her friends meant that she agreed to transport the clowns she called friends from one insane circus to the next. Jiwoo only happened to be the craziest–and neediest–out of them.

Clown Museum, Main Hall, Exhibit A: The Great Jiwoo Fire

A few years back, Jungeun grudgingly awoke at 2 in the morning to pick up Jiwoo’s drunk ass from a shady bar across town, only to drop her off at her apartment building whose top few floors were up in flames. Maybe if she had remembered to shut her window, her cat wouldn’t have scaled the fire escape and started a fist-fight with her neighbor’s Shiba Inu and her neighbor might have not forgotten about the late-night ramen fest she left unattended on the lit stove.

_(Cradling Hyunjin in her arms, a sober Jiwoo thanked the higher deities that her cat managed to escape a fire from the 10th floor. She sighed as she stood next to Jungeun._

_“I have nothing but Hyunjin now,” she whispered as she pet her Maine Coon, “All my hard work, gone. Poof. Vanished.”_

_Jungeun wrapped a protective arm around her. “You still have me, Jiwoo. Don’t forget that.” Jiwoo knew if she spoke she would cry and she didn’t want to cry in front of Jungeun._

_“I wonder what kind of idiot set that fire.”_

_A few feet behind them, a woman in an ash smeared, pink hoodie clenched the black dog collar in her hand a little tighter.)_

So it wasn’t entirely Jiwoo’s fault but she wasn’t exactly blameless. She was a thoughtful forgetful person.

When a person is forgetful, it’s easy to scold them; it’s all the more difficult when you try to scold a thoughtful forgetful person trying to do good. The college sophomore at the time never told Jungeun the reason why she left the window open: her air conditioning was broken at an ungodly warm temperature and she didn’t want Hyunjin to end up with a heat stroke. She didn’t forget about the window, but she did forget that cats could roam free on fire escapes. Ironic, isn’t it?

Jiwoo still had her fair share of scoldings, mostly from Jungeun who was the only person strong enough to dish out tough love when necessary. Even the ever so sweet and kind Jungeun had her limits, and angry Jungeun was a terrifying force to be reckoned with. That was precisely why Jiwoo was at the DMV at 10 in the morning, waiting patiently in line to take her driver’s test. 

As fate would have it, Jungeun worked as a part-time clerk and had gotten her an appointment with an examiner, now her good friend, who owed her a favor.

Clown Museum, The Blonde Wing, Exhibit B: Rent-A-Girlfriend

Jungeun was abruptly called by the said-examiner early one fine Friday evening. It had been a long day and Jungeun was extremely busy reading a book and relaxing but her work acquaintance sounded extremely urgent. Later, the clerk found out that she was supposed to be standing in as her girlfriend in front of her ex. Needless to say, Jungeun was not amused.

_(“Are you serious? I only gave you my number for work-related emergencies!” said one irritated blonde._

_The voice on the other line bled with desperation, “Please, do me this favor! I’ll pay you, I’ll be in your debt, whatever you want but it has to be you!”_

_Jungeun wrinkled her nose, “What? Why me?” A few seconds of silence followed._

_“You’re the hottest girl I know who doesn’t want to bang me, and I don’t have a real girlfriend. Please, I’m paying for dinner and I’ll buy you all the alcohol you want!”_

_After a moment’s hesitation, Jungeun relented at the mention of free food and wine. “Jesus Christ, fine. What’s the plan?”)_

The red-haired girl approached the blonde at Window 6. She smirked, “Wow Jungeun, I can practically see you as a grumpy old lady.” She handed over her documents.

“That’s an entirely inappropriate comment, Miss-” The blonde pretended to search for Jiwoo’s information, knowing that the rules entirely prohibited granting favors to friends and family, “Ms. Kim. Please refrain from any further harassment or else I will have you removed from the premises.” Jiwoo caught her wink and caught on. 

Rules hardly stopped Jungeun or her coworkers though, and nothing would stop her from helping Jiwoo become more independent especially since she was getting off the hook. She loved her best friend dearly and was glad to see Jiwoo finally becoming her own driver.

After handling all of the paperwork and paying all the fees, Jiwoo shot the camera her signature face-breaking grin only to have the cameraman tell her to “tone it down a little.” Jiwoo had half a mind to roundhouse kick his face for screwing up her renewed state ID picture.

_(“Jungeun, this is so embarrassing!” She wailed over the phone when it arrived._

_“Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s perfectly fine,” responded Jungeun, familiar with her theatrical nature._

_“It’s my ID picture! The asshole behind the camera told me to shut the fuck up or he’d kick me out so my face… It looks like a reaction meme!” Jungeun was about 2 seconds away from pissing herself while bawling her eyes out._

_She wheezed, “One, I’m pretty sure Eunwoo never said that, and two, send me a fucking picture right now.”)_

Finally, it was time for the test. Jiwoo was ready for she had breezed through driving school and she received her permit in a record time of 4 months. That was a long time for Jiwoo to commit to anything which is why Jungeun eagerly pushed her towards her license. 

Jiwoo sat upright with her hands drumming against the idle rental car’s steering wheel. Glancing at her Apple Watch, she breathed out a sigh of relief. In five more minutes, the test would start and-

A polite, but bored voice announced, “Good morning, I’m Ha Sooyoung and I’ll be your driving examiner today.” Sooyoung had materialized in front of Jiwoo’s open window, her eyes focused on something in her hands. If she had looked up, Jiwoo would have devolved into a puddle of goo.

But there was no time for that. In the few moments before their eyes met, Jiwoo vowed to torture Jungeun in the most unthinkably cruel ways she could imagine. She remembered that voice all too well; it belonged to the woman Jiwoo never wanted to face again. She has fucked up hundreds of times in front of hundreds of people, but she only remembers the situations in which she _really_ fucked up or _they_ really fucked up. Both of those times had happened with the woman in front of her.

Their gazes collided for a brief instant before Jiwoo pulled the hood up from her sweater to conceal her identity. Her heart dropped somewhere near her feet.

The examiner didn’t recognize her. “Please sign your name here.” At first, Jiwoo didn’t register the clipboard she was holding but she scrawled out her signature, hoping the examiner wouldn’t read too deep into her scrawl.

Sooyoung proceeded on with the routine, “Start the car. Keep your windows lowered and listen to my instruction.”

Jiwoo watched the figure walk towards the front of the car. “Left turn signal, please.” 

She could hardly believe her eyes. Not only was Jiwoo entirely mortified to be in this woman’s presence but now her cheeks were burning simply by looking at Sooyoung. She donned a uniform, similar to a nurse’s outfit but less baggy overall.

Without warning, the image of what Sooyoung would look like underneath her uniform entered Jiwoo’s mind and she knocked her head against the low roof in shock. It had been a while since she last consciously thought about her in that way. Fortunately, Sooyoung didn’t notice.

“Right turn signal, please.” Jiwoo flicked the switch as the figure walked around the car to check the lights accordingly. All she wanted to do now is pass her test and get out of here unscathed. She buried her face in her palms and nearly missed when Sooyoung called out, “Now press on the brakes.”

“Show me your hand signals.”

Obediently, Jiwoo followed every instruction. After a second of gathering her thoughts, and shooing the inappropriate ones aside, her mind was clear again. She was absolutely prepared to take this test.

Then Sooyoung entered the car and looked at her examinee for the first time.

“Holy fucking shit, it’s you,” she whispered in disbelief. Sooyoung couldn’t believe her luck. She promised to do this favor but she was still going to murder Jungeun after this test. 

Jiwoo’s voiced wanted to die in her throat, but it coughed out a greeting, “H-hello.”

“You have bangs and red hair now.” Startled, Jiwoo made eye contact for the first time since she entered the car. She was staring at Jiwoo blankly.

“Y-you remember me?”

Even as venom flew out of her mouth, Sooyoung’s voice remained even and neutral. “Of course,” she brought her lips into a taut smile, “I couldn’t forget the bitch who killed my dog.”

Jiwoo began shaking her leg up and down in the driver’s seat, tearing her gaze away and wincing as though it was her pet who had been killed. This is exactly what she thought would happen if she ever crossed paths with Sooyoung again. Her vision threatened to blur as she fiddled with the bottom of the steering wheel, facing the consequences of her actions all those years ago.

An awkward silence fell and Jiwoo had no intention of breaking it. Despite being outwardly adorable and charismatic, there were a lot of things she hid that people would not expect. One thing she’d never been good at was confronting and sharing her true feelings.

Clown Museum, The Secret Wing, Exhibit C: The (Not So) Big Secret

Jiwoo once had a crush on a girl named Jungeun; the very same Kim Jungeun who had been her best friend since middle school. It was the first time Jiwoo had a crush on anyone, much less a girl. In their third year of high school, Jungeun, the most popular and well-loved singer, outed herself as gay. Jiwoo thought maybe she finally had a chance but then her best friend got into a relationship with a girl that lasted until the end of their senior year. Her feelings for Jungeun have faded since then, but they still lingered in the dark crevices of her heart. 

_(Jiwoo eyed the girls approaching her with a guarded heart and expression._

_Jungeun was holding hands with an underclassman, which was no big deal since she held Jiwoo’s hand all the time as well, but this seemed different._

_“Jiwoo, this is Yeji. She’s my girlfriend,” said Jungeun. Of course, it would have been the best dancer at school. Of course, she had to be gorgeous and tall and unbelievably perfect. Yeji gave a small wave._

_It caught Jiwoo off-guard, the way those words fell so casually from her lips, and it hurt._

_It hurt so fucking bad, so Jiwoo tried to come up with a reasonable excuse on the spot. She ended up saying a cross between “I have to go pee” and “I have to go meet with a teacher.”_

_“I have to meet to go pee with a teacher,” she yelped before fleeing the scene.)_

“Um,” Sooyoung began the second part of the test, pretending like nothing happened, “Please point to the following as I list them.”

“Windshield wipers.” Point.

“Emergency hazard lights.” Point.

“Turn signals.” Point. 

“Defroster.” Point.

“Headlights.” Point. 

“Emergency hand brake.” Jiwoo pointed near her foot and Sooyoung said nothing as she marked her paper.

“Alright, the driving portion of the test has begun. When you leave this parking lot, turn right.”

Wordlessly, Jiwoo checked her mirrors, pressed down on the foot brake, and pressed her foot on the normal brakes, before shifting into drive. 

She was ready for this test. She knew every law and what to do at every intersection, but she couldn’t maintain her focus at all. Jiwoo didn’t want to let four months of practice and preparation go to waste but the second she saw Sooyoung, she knew it was all over. Her selective memory thought, _“Wouldn’t it be a great time to replay every encounter you had with your ex-neighbor from the moment your jaw dropped when she walked out of the elevator to the last time she stood outside your door? Wouldn’t that be nice-”_

“Jiwoo, turn left here.” Flicking her hand down, she signaled left and made a turn too wide for Sooyoung’s liking.

_Remember the day you found out she was an upperclassman with classes near you?_

“Go straight.”

_Ha, remember all the times she hugged you and you got turned on?_

“Turn left here.”

_How about all the nights you spent fantasizing about her lips and how she was in-_

“Okay, pull over here.” The entire street was devoid of parked cars. It created the perfect opportunity to test Jiwoo's reversing skills.

But Jiwoo panicked, thinking Sooyoung had somehow read her nasty thoughts and was ending the test right then and there. She signaled right, checked her mirror, pulled over, and hit the curb with a dull thud. The car shuddered, unharmed.

Sooyoung moved to write something down, but she stopped to look at Jiwoo. “That was an automatic fail.”

The driver didn’t comprehend what she’s being told, “B-but it hasn’t even been 5 minutes and-”

“Rules are rules.” 

“Oh,” Jiwoo kept her foot up against the brake pad as she mulled over her mistake. How could it be over already? 

“Look,” Sooyoung ran a hand through her shoulder-length hair, “I can’t ‘unfail’ you, but I can show you what the rest of the test looks like for when you come back.”

_Huh?_

“Do you want me to guide you, yes or no? I won’t repeat myself.”

“Y-yes. I would really appreciate that, Sooyoungie.” Jiwoo’s hands flew up to cover her mouth at the unexpected slip-up of the nickname she had called Sooyoung all those years ago. The examiner didn’t know it but she had been living rent-free in Jiwoo’s subconscious since they met.

When Sooyoung didn’t say anything, Jiwoo turned her head and swore the corners of Sooyoung’s pursed lips were twitching. The girl in the driver’s seat wanted nothing more than to fling herself at the surface of the sun. 

“Pull out and go straight.”

  
  


\---

  
  


After the test, Jiwoo snuck her way back to Jungeun’s kiosk which was fortunately empty of applicants. The mental promise she made rung in her head but she knew better than to attempt murder in a public setting again. 

Clown Museum, The Violent Wing, Exhibit D: Kick It

While Jiwoo attended driving school, one disgruntled man once tried to scare her out of the class in spite. He had a bone to pick with her cheerful disposition and her blossoming friendship with their teacher. He falsely accused the instructor of favoritism when Jiwoo aced all the exams and spat on the back of the redhead’s scalp. So after class, she lured him to a bar and proceeded to have a gang of bikers she befriended beat the shit out of him. She was detained because she kicked his crown jewels while he was down just as the cops arrived. She almost spent the night in detainment but the God-sent that was Jungeun bailed her out.

Upon seeing the red head’s expression, Jungeun dropped her head into her hands, “You failed, didn’t you?”

Jiwoo’s nostrils flared, “Because the woman you set me up with was the hot neighbor I had three years ago. Do you remember her? It’s my fault her apartment got burnt to a crisp and her dog died! I had no idea that stupid Shiba Inu fucking died!”

Suddenly, the pieces clicked in Jungeun’s head. Sooyoung had mentioned an apartment fire during her late college years but the possibility of it being the same one as The Great Jiwoo Fire never crossed her mind.

Jungeun scratched the back of her neck. “Oops? Anyway, I thought you would’ve gotten your license today so I can’t bring you home. I promised Jinsol I would limit your taxi privileges to 3 times a week and bringing you here was strike three.”

“But you were coming here already! How is that fair?” she mentally cursed at the mention of Jinsol, Jungeun’s girlfriend. The two had never hit it off the way Jungeun hoped they would but the blonde had faith that one day they would get along. 

But Jiwoo had bigger problems to worry about, starting with how to get home. The DMV was a 45-minute drive from her apartment.

Jiwoo was too afraid of ride-share apps and she didn’t know how to ride the bus, nor did she ever keep the physical fare for it in her wallet. For the majority of her life, she was driven around and now she was a licenseless college student with an affinity for walking whenever possible, even if she had to walk to all of her classes and her jobs. The redhead tried biking but ended up forgetting where she left her bicycle (because she forgot to lock it and thus it was stolen).

When Jungeun’s shift ended at 2 in the afternoon, Jiwoo pleaded one last time. Her request fell upon deaf ears. “Ask Sooyoung! She gets off right now too. Good luck!”

The girl flipped her middle finger at the Kia Carnival as it backed out of its parking slot. She would get her revenge one day. Until then, Jiwoo had no choice but to do exactly what Jungeun suggested.

Jiwoo paced outside of the employee entrance for about five minutes, thinking about what to say. 

_Hey Sooyoung, I haven’t seen you in a few years but since you showed me mercy on my test, can you show me some mercy right now? No, that’s not right. Hey Sooyoung, I’m really sorry about killing your dog even if she was always mean to me- I can’t insult her dog! Sooyoungie, this is really random but could you give me a ride home? Alright, that sounds better. But–_

“What are you doing here?” A low voice interrupted her thoughts. Turning around, Jiwoo faced dressed Sooyoung in a cropped green sweater under a black leather jacket paired with skinny black jeans. Her fashion style had changed drastically since Jiwoo last saw her, and her choppy short hair really did wonders.

“S-smoking,” the shorter girl responded, knowing very well that she had quit recently. Sooyoung glanced at Jiwoo’s hands and failed to spot anything smokable. “You were waiting for me, weren’t you?”

Jiwoo sighed and looked at her feet, “I wanted to say I was sorry. I’m sorry that the fire started because of Hyunjin, and I had no idea Olivia died, and I was too ashamed to face you again. That’s why I disappeared. I’m really sorry...” Her voice wavered, tapering off into nothingness.

The taller girl stayed quiet, observing how Jiwoo anxiously wrung her hands together. She looked off to the side, “I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean what I said and I should have kept things professional. Am I the reason why you hit that curb?”

“I mean _–_ I was just thinking too much so I p-probably overestimated the curb anyway,” stuttered the redhead.

Sooyoung hummed, “Is that the only reason why you waited for me?” The smidgeon of warmth in her voice ignited a tiny spark of hope. Jiwoo cautiously began to hope that maybe Sooyoung wanted to be friends again.

“Um, well. I’m in no place to be asking, but I need a favor. See, Jungeun thought I was going to drive myself home today but,” the girl nervously laughed, “I failed and I don’t even have a car to drive.”

At the mention of Jungeun, things began to click. “I see. So you didn’t ask Jungeun to get this appointment to see me?”

Jiwoo’s eyes went wide, “You’re friends with Jungeun? No, I had no idea she even knew you and I wasn’t expecting to see you ever again.” Then she added, “But I’m kinda glad I did.”

Sooyoung smirked, and goddamn, Jiwoo missed that smirk. She swiveled away from Jiwoo and started walking away. “Are you coming or what?”

Jiwoo followed her to a sleek, jet black Jaguar F-Type. The red head’s eyes got even bigger, “Is this your car?!”

Patting the hood, she spoke with pride, “Yup, this here is my baby. I named her Olivia, after, you know.” Before Jiwoo could respond, she hopped into the driver’s seat. She crawled into the front passenger seat and found a gorgeous, black leather interior.

She waited for Sooyoung to start the car, but she spoke first. Her eyes were intense and unreadable for a second, then they lightened. She smiled, “I’ll take you home, but only if you spend the rest of the day with me. I’ll even buy you dinner. My treat for messing up your driving exam.” Jiwoo couldn’t read her mind, but if she could, she would know there was a lot more Sooyoung was trying to make up for. 

Jiwoo beamed, not because of the free food but because she could tell Sooyoung wanted to make it up to her, going so far as to spend time with her when she could’ve easily ditched Jiwoo at home.

“Okay!” _There’s no fucking way this is going so well-_

The roar of the engine startled Jiwoo in her seat. Sooyoung placed a comforting hand on her knee. Jiwoo could feel the warmth through her jeans.

“I’ll try not to go too fast. No promises though.”

“Don’t you work at the DM-Woah!” screamed Jiwoo as Sooyoung shot out of the parking lot and onto the streets.

“We’ll be fine! I do this all the time, trust me, Jiwoo. I’ll get you home in one piece.”

She gulped. Home. A part of her hoped she wouldn't be going home that day.

Jiwoo calmed her heart as much as she could. “So where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

\--- 

It had been a while since Jiwoo last went on a romantic date, not that she was classifying her outing with Sooyoung as a date (but it was kind of a date). 

The last time she went out looking for love, she accidentally found the cutest dork she had ever seen. Jiwoo was more than halfway done with her junior year in college when she had used one of those dating apps that Jungeun despised. 

_(“I don’t care if you have to use whatever gay ass dating app is hot right now, just promise me you’ll actually look for a girlfriend.”_

_“What’s that supposed to mean, Jungeunnie?”_

_She scowled, “You know exactly what I mean!”_

_Jiwoo giggled and teased her with a sing-song voice, “No promises!”)_

She matched with the girl almost immediately and the redhead prayed that she wouldn’t accidentally mess up with her like she usually did.

After a few days of texting back and forth, they decided to meet up and have dinner which went splendidly. Jiwoo was instantly hooked on her resounding, husky voice after greeting each other outside Jiwoo’s apartment building. 

“Jeon Heejin?”

“The one and only! You must be Jiwoo?”

“Yeah! Nice to meet you, oh my god you’re really pretty.” She looked exactly as she appeared in the pictures she had sent, if not more gorgeous and breath-taking. Her dark hair fell in loose waves down to her lower back and she wore a charming, tomboyish outfit. 

On the way to the restaurant, Heejin matched Jiwoo’s energy perfectly, both girls being classic extroverts with many things in common. She didn’t mind that she was a year younger since their chemistry was undeniable. They talked about all kinds of random things because awkward silence couldn’t penetrate the fortitude of those two mountains of energy. The only real lapse in conversation happened when their food arrived and they were too preoccupied scarfing down the steaming noodles and sushi, but even then, they were still mumbling praises between bites of their food.

One of the things Jiwoo had liked most about Heejin, though, was her sincere honesty. They had been sitting in Heejin’s car, parked in front of Jiwoo’s apartment complex when Heejin came clean.

“Jiwoo, I had a really good time tonight,” Heejin started. 

Jiwoo smiled, “Me too. I haven’t felt so at ease with someone that fast in ages.”

The girl in the driver's seat smiled back, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “There’s something I haven’t told you.”

Dread began to spill into Jiwoo’s body. It wasn’t often people told her that phrase and she came out unscathed. She tried to lighten the mood by playfully slapping Heejin’s shoulder. “What could be worse than being a gay K-pop stan and a weeb?”

This produced a sincere chuckle from Heejin before her expression fell again. She kept her eyes on the steering wheel, “The truth is I’m still pretty hung up on someone. I didn’t mean to lead you on tonight or anything, but being here made me realize I’m not ready for another relationship.”

Jiwoo can’t say she wasn’t disappointed but it wasn’t as bad as she thought it was going to be. She thought Heejin was going to say that she had a girlfriend or worse, that she was only pretending to be gay for a social experiment and Jiwoo was the subject. Or maybe she was an alien who wanted to abduct her or she was a Russian spy who kidnapped young women. She was glad to be wrong.

Relief spread over her body and she let out a sigh, “That’s all? Jeez, you scared me there, Heejin.”

Heejin’s cute eyebrows shot up, “You’re not mad?”

“Of course not! It was only a date and that doesn’t mean there has to be another one or that it has to lead to something more. We could end up as friends and I wouldn’t mind. We had a nice time together and that’s all that matters,” Jiwoo responded. 

She could see a huge weight was lifted on her date’s shoulders as her face broke into a relieved grin. It was short-lived because her lips tugged into a smirk.

“There was something I had in mind, if you’re interested of course,” Heejin spoke, deliberately dropping her voice down even lower. Tingles surged through every fiber of Jiwoo’s body and Heejin hadn’t even laid a finger on yet.

Staring her sculpted lips, Jiwoo smirked back, “What if I am?”

“Is anyone home?” Jiwoo thought it was cute the way Heejin wanted to be considerate of her nonexistent roommate. She leaned in close enough to nibble Heejin’s ear, a groan escaping the girl.

“I live alone. Let’s go.”

The two of them eagerly rushed into the apartment complex, Jiwoo opting to take the stairs to get to her first-floor apartment quicker. In the stairwell, Heejin pinned the taller girl to the wall, stealing a desperate kiss. As much as Jiwoo wanted to have her right there in the stairs, she broke the kiss and choked out, “Heejin, there are old men watching the cameras. My apartment is just over there.” She giggled and relented.

Finally, inside of the apartment, Heejin roughly shoved Jiwoo against the door they had just entered. Their lips collided, lust oozing out of their roaming hands and the groans of pleasure. While Heejin’s leg slotted in between the girl’s thighs, Jiwoo tugged the thick hair at the base of Heejin’s skull. The taller girl was hoping this would happen but something wasn’t quite right.

She drew her lips away from Heejin, arms snug around her thin waist. Her lips were drawn into a sweet, lazy smile but her words had a dangerous edge to them.“Did you take me for a bottom, Heejin?”

“I-Um,” she stuttered under Jiwoo’s intense gaze. It wasn’t helping that she was also tracing slow circles on the skin of her lower back. 

“I’m just used to taking the initiative, that’s all,” she trailed off. That was all Jiwoo needed to know before she flipped their positions, her hand caressing the outside of the thigh Heejin had brought up instinctively. 

Jiwoo couldn’t take it anymore. She growled in a low voice, “Hold on to me.” 

Heejin barely had time to process what she said before Jiwoo hoisted her up like a ragdoll. Half stumbling into the darkness, Jiwoo left sloppy kisses along Heejin’s neck. As she laid her down on her bed, they were interrupted by unhappy shrieking. A small demon bolted out the door.

She did forget about her roommate, albeit, the nonhuman one.

She forgot that Hyunjin liked to sleep at the foot of her bed. To make matters worse, Heejin began to uncontrollably sneeze like a maniac. 

“You didn’t tell me you owned,” she launched into another adorable sneeze, “a cat.” She looked at Jiwoo with crinkled, red-rimmed eyes, “I’m allergic.”

Jiwoo mentally cursed at herself forgetting to mention Hyunjin. Nowadays, Jiwoo almost felt like her cat was more human than animal, like a tiny roommate that she fed and bathed, but not babied. In the morning, the redhead would leave her TV on the nature channel and find Hyunjin sitting like a beanbag on the couch when she returned. But still, the creature had not crossed her mind that evening.

“I am so sorry, I thought I mentioned her,” Jiwoo allowed herself a small, apologetic smile for the hilarity of the situation. “If you want, you can go sit on my couch. There should be less fur there. Can I get you some meds?”

“It’s alright, and yeah that would be really nice, thank you.” 

A few minutes later, Jiwoo returned to the sniffling girl now curled up on her couch with a multitude of tablets and a glass of water. “I didn’t know which brand you preferred so I grabbed all of them.”

Heejin gladly took the medicine with a grateful smile, “You’re adorable, Jiwoo.” Gesturing to the cat warily eyeing the pair from the kitchen counter, she teased, “Aren’t you going to introduce me to that roommate of yours?” 

The girl took that opportunity to swoop the complacent cat into her arms. “This is Hyunjin. She’s a 2-year-old Maine Coon, I think,” said Jiwoo as the cat purred. “I found her at a park and I thought she was a feral bobcat kitten at first! But she came up to me and stared at me with her yellow eyes like she was trying to say, ‘Are we going home now?’ and it just felt like I had known her all my life. I still have no idea what she was doing here but I like to think I saved her. She’s one hardy cat though!” 

Hyunjin looked up at her owner. In reality, it was more like Hyunjin had saved Jiwoo.

Another thing she had never told a soul, not even Jungeun, that the reason why she was wandering the park in the middle of the night was that she was going to jump into the nearby river, that is, until she found the kitten. She thought she might have been divine intervention, and who was Jiwoo to ignore something like that?

Heejin listened to Jiwoo’s story fondly, wishing that she wasn’t allergic to animals because she loved them too, but also because of how passionately Jiwoo spoke and the way her eyes lit up when she looked at Hyunjin in her arms. Listening to Jiwoo brought her peace and drowsiness. The brunette sluggishly turned over the box from which she took the tablet. 

Heejin tossed the box aside and muttered, “Oh shit, these pills make you drowsy. It’s kinda late, shouldn’t I be heading home now?” 

“I would drive you if I could but I think I would end up crashing your car,” Jiwoo joked and set Hyunjin down. Seriousness enveloped the red head’s voice, “Listen, I can make you some coffee if you want. I shouldn’t have included the drowsy pills in there, my bad Heejin, sorry. You can use my bathroom to freshen up and crash here too if you'd be okay with that.”

Heejin knit her eyebrows together, “Hey, it’s not your fault at all, I should have read the side effects more closely. Are you sure you don’t mind a complete stranger sleeping here?”

“Of course not! You can’t drive home like that and I love having company! And you're not a complete stranger. I know I haven’t known you for very long but I feel like I can trust you.” She leaned against the doorframe in an arrogant manner, “Plus, I think you were about to spend the night anyway.”

Bashfully, the girl on the couch dropped her gaze with an embarrassed smile. Jiwoo spoke again, warmly, “My bathroom’s on the left once you enter the room. I’ll get some clothes and a towel for you.”

The girl groggily stood up and walked to the bathroom. While she showered, Jiwoo shed her fur-ridden bedsheets and left pajamas on the clean linen sheets. She vacuumed the hardwood, tidied up her stray laundry, and briefly opened the windows, and used a blanket to air out the room in the hopes that it would diminish Heejin’s allergies. 

When Jiwoo finished, she closed the door to her bedroom once more so Hyunjin would not disturb her guest. She gave Hyunjin some food, changed her water, and set up a makeshift bed on the sofa. 

Hyunjin stared at the door from her cat tower.

Jiwoo shot Heejin a text.

_hey, feel free to sleep in my bed!! i’ll be outside on the couch. if u need anything, lmk :))_

But about 10 minutes later, a bare-faced Heejin with a towel around her shoulders stuck her head outside the door. “Hey, aren’t you going to freshen up too?”

Jiwoo blushed, “Oh, but I didn’t want to disturb you...”

“You dummy, it’s your apartment. Go use your bathroom!”

After Jiwoo finished, she made a beeline for the door. Heejin’s low voice stopped her in her tracks. “I wouldn’t mind if you slept here with me, you know. I bet you make a pretty comfy pillow.”

Jiwoo offered her a questioning look to which Heejin patted the bed space next to her. She shrugged and shut off the lights before crawling into bed. 

She thought Heejin was gorgeous already, but there was something about her when she was stripped of her outside facade. In bed and her pajamas, the girl’s pure essence shone through, sweet and gentle. She was a breath of fresh air.

“I’ve never had anyone do all of that for me,” whispered Heejin in a slow voice, picking her words like fruit. They were inches apart from each other, close enough for Jiwoo to feel her breath fan her face. 

Now it was Jiwoo’s turn to knit her brows together, “I only did what any decent person would do.”

Heejin’s hand reached out to caress her cheek. “Then either you’re too humble or I don’t know that many decent people.” Nothing but the sound of their quiet breathing filled the air.

With drooping eyes, Heejin slurred, “Can I hug you?” Immediately, Jiwoo moved to wrap her arm around Heejin and the girl melted into her embrace. It had been a while since Jiwoo felt this type of innocent intimacy. She kissed the top of Heejin’s head because it felt right.

She was dragged into an old memory, which she deftly brushed away from the forefront of her mind. It lingered, though, in the dark recesses of the hallways that lined her memories. 

“Goodnight, Heejin. Sweet dreams.” The girl was already asleep.

In the morning, the redhead awoke to the feeling of someone running a hand up and down her abs. Her shirt had ridden up in her sleep, accidentally displaying how fit her core was. The gentleness of the touch made the roof of her mouth prickle. Jiwoo groaned and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes to find Heejin staring at her darkly.

“We didn’t get to finish what we started yesterday,” she said walking her fingers down Jiwoo’s exposed abdomen. The girl in bed allowed her back to arch the tiniest bit before grabbing Heejin’s wrist.

“Good morning to you too. We didn’t,” she cheekily teased back, “but I hope you didn’t forget your place.” Jiwoo hissed as she grabbed Heejin’s other wrist and shoved her into bed, straddling her and pinning her arms above her head.

When Heejin melted under her touch, Jiwoo drew close to her ear and murmured, “That’s a good girl.” Jiwoo was glad the chemistry they shared over dinner had translated into the bedroom perfectly.

Heejin patted Hyunjin’s head and left Jiwoo’s apartment two hours later, completely sore.

The girls did indeed become friends, or whatever you call people who hang out together and hook up at the end of the day. Well, sometimes it was in the early morning and sometimes in the middle of the day too. Jiwoo was satisfied with their partnership and was elated she could act upon her raging carnal desires without the baggage of emotions, or so she had thought.

The consequences of her actions would come back to haunt her.

  
  


\---

  
  


Early in the fall semester of her senior year, Jiwoo enrolled in a driver’s education class. Little did she know that fate would have her collide with the faded objects of her fantasies if she continued with her course. Not knowing that, of course she continued forward because she needed to learn the one life-changing skill that would allow her independence.

Clown Museum, The Secret Wing, Exhibit E: Drive, Drive, Drive! 

Jiwoo was deathly afraid of driving despite all it would do for her. It was another thing she never wanted to admit to anyone, especially not Jungeun. She knew Jungeun would be too understanding and would continue to let her depend on her and her car, although Jinsol might have something to say about that. Jiwoo could be selfish but she’d never want to become a true burden to the people she cared about most. It wasn’t fair of her to infringe on her life anymore.

(Was it really a clown moment or was it a crippling insecurity Jiwoo passed off as a quirk? Hmm.)

So she strolled into the weekend class looking like a million bucks in her smartest-looking outfit: an oversized grey suit with a silky white blouse tucked into matching baggy grey suit pants. Jiwoo was half expecting a grumpy middle-aged man to be teaching the class, but she was pleasantly surprised to find a surprisingly pleasant, mild-mannered woman.

“Good afternoon! Welcome to Driving for Dummies, but not that you guys are dummies! That’s just what the class is called,” stuttered the instructor. Jiwoo, sitting in the row right in front of her, offered an encouraging smile and a thumbs up. 

There weren’t that many students in the class and most of them were in fact, disgruntled middle-aged men. They must have had one too many traffic violations. For the most part, they didn’t look too threatening but you can never be too careful around men suffering the consequences of rashly acting on their midlife crises, and Jiwoo had a feeling this was her first time teaching this class.

Looking around, she took inventory of her classmates. There had to be at least one person Jiwoo could befriend. She crossed off every man she looked at until her eyes settled on a girl sitting in the corner of the back row with her black combat boots up the table. 

Jiwoo rubbed her eyes once to make sure she wasn’t hallucinating; faint clacking came from the girl fiddling with a butterfly knife. It was like she sensed someone was looking at her because she flicked her eyes up to meet Jiwoo. She raised one eyebrow as if to ask, “Are you looking at me? You got a problem?” She could feel the judgment rolling off the leather-clad girl in waves. Shivering, Jiwoo turned her attention back to the instructor.

“I’m Jo Haseul, but please call me Miss Haseul because Ms. Jo is my sister,” Haseul said, clearing her throat. “Would anyone like to introduce themselves?”

A hand shot up. Haseul nodded for her to stand up. “Hello, I’m Kim Jiwoo! I hope to learn a lot from Miss Haseul. Nice to meet you all!”

Some of the men snickered at Jiwoo’s introduction, one bold enough to mutter “good for nothing kiss-ass” loud enough for everyone to hear. Returning to her seat, Jiwoo’s face twitched in annoyance. Haseul opened her mouth to interfere but then a noise startled everyone.

_THWACK_

A throwing knife had struck the wall, landing inches from the nose of the man who had spoken up. All heads turned to the girl who had thrown it. “There’s more where that came from,” she huffed, “if you’ve got anything more to say.”

Starstruck, the redhead faced the dark-haired girl as though she had been told she won the lottery. Jiwoo didn’t need saving but she was certainly not going to get mad at a badass stranger who could throw a knife with potentially lethal precision. 

Haseul checked the roster but could not tell which student was who. “Miss, um, what’s your name?”

“I won’t do it again. Unless I’m given a reason to do it,” she replied, putting her boots down and stowing the butterfly knife in the pocket of her leather jacket, “Sorry, Miss Haseul.”

Both Jiwoo and Haseul were taken aback at the girl’s obedient willingness, but they weren't about to question it. Haseul addressed the class, “I don’t condone violence but I don’t condone harassment either. Both of you have been warned.”

The girl in the back shrugged a piece of chewing gum in her mouth while the man tried to disappear into his seat. The knife was wedged into the wall in front of him.

He grabbed the hilt but instinctively turned around to look at the girl. Fire danced in her eyes and she reached towards her boot to retrieve another knife. The disgusting little man let go of the hilt as though it had burned him.

“Let’s start with the basics today. Types of driver’s licenses! Please turn to page 4 of the handbook.”

When class ended, Jiwoo was quick to approach the teacher and praise her teaching ability. The brief exchange ended with both of them trading numbers. Then, Jiwoo spotted the other girl she wanted to speak to briskly walking out the door, tucking a knife into her jacket pocket.

“Hey! Hey, you! Wait up!” 

Jiwoo finally caught up to her outside. She was leaning against the wall and lighting a cigarette. The girl eyed Jiwoo up and down before cocking her head. She looked like she had done this a million times. 

“Cigarette?”

The redhead shook her head and got close to the girl who smelled like a strange combination of smoke and soap. She leaned against the wall next to her.

“I didn’t think you were a smoker.” 

“Then why’d you offer me one?”

The girl took a drag, “I wanted to see how you’d react.”

Jiwoo didn’t know what to say to that but she remembered why she needed to talk to her in the first place.

“Thank you, by the way. For earlier.”

“No worries. I hate assholes.”

“Me too! You won’t have to threaten him again and if he tries anything, I’ll kick his ass.”

The dark-haired girl gave Jiwoo a look of surprise, “You’re gonna kick his ass?”

She puffed out her cheeks, “I’m a fourth dan black belt in taekwondo.”

Jiwoo was not expecting the girl to have such a uniquely cute smile. The corner of her right lip stretched a tad bit higher than the left side. It was the definition of a crooked grin if Jiwoo ever saw one.

A sparkle ignited in her eyes, showing a real interest for the first time, “Really? Prove it.”

“What is my O Might Savior’s name first?”

“Park Chaewon. Friends just call me Park.” 

The redhead snuffed out her cigarette underneath the toe of her converse shoes. Jiwoo huffed in amusement, “Are you done with your cig, Wonnie?” Park did not suit her.

Chaewon’s nose twitched at the nickname. “I guess.”

“Hold it out in front of you at face level.”

“Are you gonna kick it out of my fingers?”

“You bet your fucking ass I am.” The black-haired girl’s mouth dropped open.

As Jiwoo internally measured her distance from her target, Jiwoo also internally rejoiced at how she impressed a girl like Chaewon and how the girl’s grin hadn’t left her face. 

“For someone who looks like a teacher’s pet, you’re kinda cool.”

“I’m full of surprises. HA!” Jiwoo belted in the ready position before initiating the tornado kick. She brought her right knee up like the beginning of a roundhouse kick and then used her turning momentum to land that leg and bring her left leg up just as her head turned. Her left leg extended out in a hooked side kick, successfully sending Chaewon’s cigarette stub flying without touching the girl’s fingers at all. Chaewon looked at her in quiet awe.

A voice sounded out just as Jiwoo righted herself. “Do I have to break up a fight here?” It was their instructor, Haseul, with a stern expression on her face.

“Of course not, Miss Haseul! I was just showing Wonnie here what would happen if those fuckers insulted me again,” beamed Jiwoo brightly. The dark-haired girl gave a wave behind Jiwoo. “I’m Park Chaewon, for the record.”

“Oh thank goodness,” she sighed, dropping the tough facade. “I don’t think I would survive a fight with one of you, much less both of you at the same time.”

Jiwoo had a brilliant idea.

“Haseul, you’re pretty cool! Wanna get drinks with me and Wonnie?”

She pulled an eyebrow up and checked her watch, “Are you even allowed to drink alcohol? It’s also 3:30 in the afternoon, Jiwoo.”

Nodding, the redhead pouted while Chaewon piped up, “Miss Teacher, it’s always 5 pm somewhere.” 

It became a routine endeavor for the girls to hang out after class ended. The three of them would spend every other Saturday afternoon wandering around tiny shops and boutiques near the campus before they ended up drinking, or at least Jiwoo and Chaewon did. Haseul always served as the de facto designated driver as she was the only one who had a car and could drive. 

One night, close to Jiwoo’s test date, they were having fun at Sonatine, their go-to bar. “Hey, Haseulie,” Jiwoo slurred at the counter, “After you teach us to drive, Wonnie and I are gonna take you out and get you drunk as hell!”

The eldest of them took an amused sip of her fruity mocktail, “I’ll be counting on that! You’ll have to make up for all the times I drove your drunk asses home.”

On Haseul’s other side, Chaewon was slightly less drunk than Jiwoo but definitely tipsy. “Aww, you know you love us anyway. Hey, you got a boyfriend, Teach?”

Haseul cringed, “Me? God, no. I hate men.”

“Me too!” Chaewon whooped.

“Me three!” The inebriated girls clinked their drinks with the mocktail in Haseul’s hand. “A toast for the gays! Cheers!” proposed Jiwoo, downing more beer. Chaewon visibly flinched, realizing what her hatred of men had implied. 

Jiwoo was piqued by Chaewon’s probing so she asked, “You got a girlfriend then?” Haseul flushed crimson, appearing briefly just as drunk as her company. Neither of the girls noticed the shift in Chaewon’s demeanor.

“Look at her blush, Wonnie! I think she likes someone,” Jiwoo cooed, poking her cheek.

The teacher coughed, “I’d rather not talk about it right now if you don’t mind.”

Chaewon quickly changed the subject. “What about you, Jimoomoo?”

“That’s a terrible nickname, nowhere as cute as Wonnie! Do it right!”

“I don’t know, I think Jimoomoo is kinda cute.”

“See? Even Haseul likes it!”

“Shut up, both of you. And,” Jiwoo paused in her drunken stupor, wondering if she should talk about Heejin. Oh hell, she’s drunk, why not? “I have a thing with this girl but it’s not serious, yanno?”

A mischievous glint appeared in Haseul's eyes. “Tell us about her! What’s her name?”

“I met her earlier, like in April or May, I think. She’s really really pretty, like a kind, gentle pretty, but she’s also so adorable at the same time? It’s like her visuals are timeless and ethereal. And her voice is so deep, it was so surprising. She’s so good at everything she does it’s mind-blowing. She can drive, and play instruments, and she’s allergic to my cat.”

Haseul scrunched her eyebrows, “She’s allergic to your pu-”

“No! My kitty cat, Hyunjin!”

While listening to Jiwoo, Chaewon felt a sense of impending dread. “What’d you say her name was, Jiwoo?” She feared that Jiwoo was about to say her name was-

“Jeon Heejin. Do you know her?”

Chaewon was on her feet in an instant, shoving the barstool into the counter. Haseul flinched backward, “Woah there! Where are you going, Chae?”

“Out.” Hearing that name fall from Jiwoo’s lips sobered up the black-haired girl. She stormed toward the entrance. Chaewon had already disappeared into the night by the time Haseul reached the door.

Haseul told Jiwoo she was gone. Jiwoo nodded soberly.

“Heejin mentioned she wasn’t over someone. But she never told me her name.”

“What does that have to do with Chae…?”

Jiwoo shrugged, “Maybe it was Wonnie or someone she knew. It’s been months though, and Heejin and I aren’t dating. I think we oughta give Chaewon some space.” She changed the subject, “Haseulie, tell me about your girl.”

Red made another guest appearance on the older girl’s face. “She’s not my girl. She was an underclassman I knew in college. We had this one class together and we were put into the same group, and after it was done I guess I developed this tiny little crush on her that never really went away. I see her around every once in a while. I think she’s in your year...”

The redhead often forgot that Haseul was only a few years older than her because of her motherly tendencies. Jiwoo’s expression brightened, “What’s her name?”

“Kim...Jungeun.”

“No way! The blonde one who looks constipated when she's stressed? That’s my best friend! She’s painfully single, you should hit her up!”

“W-what? I can’t do that! It would be too weird,” she said, her face paling at the thought.

Jiwoo wiggled her eyebrows, “You never know.” 

Something shifted in Jiwoo and her expression became more solemn. “Hey, can I tell you something?”

Haseul squeezed her hand, “You know you can tell me anything.”

The younger girl took a deep breath, “There’s an upperclassman I lived next to in my sophomore year. I only knew her for a few months ‘cause I partially caused a floor fire and I couldn’t face her anymore. I’ve never met anyone like her and she was super hot and I used to think about her all the time but I’m too scared to ever meet her again.”

“Ah. You feel guilty for that fire and you want to screw her. You should apologize and then see if she’ll screw you.”

“Haseul!”

“Ok, I’m kidding. Kind of. Why don’t you reach out to her?”

“I got a new phone and I lost her number. She deleted her social media accounts, too. I think if fate meant for us to meet again, then I would have to do something about it.”

“Let’s hope and pray. Have a little faith in fate, hmm?”

\---

That conversation flashed through Jiwoo’s mind as she sat in the passenger seat of Sooyoung’s car. It had to be fate’s manipulation and Jiwoo was not going to run away this time, although she would not be coming clean about how long the thought of Sooyoung had resided in her brain anytime soon.

She giggled mischievously to herself. Indeed, Jiwoo did not go home that night.


	2. strike two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey, i'm back! one more chapter to go! 
> 
> hmmm, what's the last chapter is then? also i'm sorry in advance for this chapter
> 
> comments and kudos are always welcome <3

_Attention valued visitors! Due to an overwhelming number of queries and requests, The Clown Museum is now closed and under construction indefinitely. We apologize for any inconveniences we may have caused. Please enjoy the rest of your day._

  
  


Two months later, Exam 2

  
  


It was a chilly January tagging along after an even chillier December. 

“Good afternoon, my name is Ha Sooyoung and I’ll be your examiner today.” This time around, Jiwoo’s smile was as bright as her high beam headlights, hiding and blinding the girl all the same. 

Despite her putting up her usual front, her mind was a tumultuous thunderstorm.

The thing is, Heejin decided to come clean with Jiwoo a few days before she took her second driving test. The brunette said that she felt Jiwoo slipping through her fingers as the redhead’s surprise visits became more and more infrequent. The distance materialized in the way Jiwoo gently untangled herself from Heejin’s cuddles to dress herself without sparing a glance at her as she left. 

And her small hiccup with Sooyoung had turned into a dense grey fog that shrouded all hope. Jiwoo was suspended in a directionless limbo.

Jiwoo’s unlabelled relationship with Heejin was just as fuzzy as whatever she had with Sooyoung, but Heejin crossed into unknown territory when she admitted she was falling in love with her. Sure, she made Jiwoo smile and left her breathless with her passionate kisses, and just being with her felt nice _._

But something about it felt _off_ after Sooyoung came into the picture.

“Jiwoo, what are we?” she whispered into the thick air. The dull morning rays of sunlight filtered into Heejin’s bedroom, catching the teary gleam in her eye. 

_(She looks like an angel. One that fell from grace.)_

Jiwoo faced the open door, standing with her back to the bedroom. She had uttered the words they had successfully avoided for the better part of a year.

“Why does it matter? We’re what we’ve always been,” she said, her voice foreign to her own ears. She only ever used this robotic tone with her parents.

Jiwoo heard shuffling behind her. She didn’t dare look back, afraid of what she would see.

“Don’t I mean anything more to you?” her voice called out, closer than before, “Has all our time together meant nothing?” It trembled as autumn leaves did when caught in a pushy gale.

Her voice kept inching closer. Jiwoo stood frozen. She clenched her jaw, “Heekkie, of course you mean a lot to me. You’re a really good friend.”

Heejin stopped behind the unfeeling knit wall in front of her, her voice quaking, “A friend? I don’t want to be just friends, Jiwoo.”

The entire time, Jiwoo had assumed Heejin was only using her to replace the hole someone left in her. She assumed wrong, and reality hit her when Heejin slipped her robed arms around Jiwoo’s waist and clung to her for dear life. The redhead didn’t move a single muscle.

Heejin buried her head into her shoulder and blindly shot an arrow into the air. “I-I think I’m in love with you.”

“I have to go.” It fell to Earth, she knew not where.

“Don’t go…please.” She almost stayed. Almost.

She whispered under her breath, “Forgive me,” as Heejin’s apartment door shut with a soft click.

Deep down, Jiwoo already knew. And she knew she’d never feel the exact same about the girl she left crying on her knees. Those feelings were reserved for someone else, and Jiwoo had no idea if she felt the same.

_That angel..._

They breezed through the boring part of the test. Her smile never faltered in front of Sooyoung, who showered her with small praises. 

_...she fell because of me._

(The deities looked down at Jiwoo with disapproval. Fate pursed her lips.)

Being on the street was harder with the element of traffic. Jiwoo drove on autopilot. She was yanked out of her thoughts when she heard Sooyoung scream.

“Jesus Christ! Jiwoo, stop!” 

Unfazed, Jiwoo automatically stopped. The car lurched forward over the crosswalk’s threshold.

The irony of the situation became increasingly apparent. Heejin was a very good friend who Jiwoo hooked up with occasionally. Was Jiwoo only a good friend who Sooyoung hooked up with occasionally? Why did that bother her?

_Why don’t you care about-_

Sooyoung’s low, clipped voice gave her instructions to head back to the DMV. The air was heavy, charged with a silent tension. She was over three fourths of the way through the test when her thunderstorm birthed that destructive tornado and wreaked havoc on her.

Once they were parked, the inevitable scolding began. “What the fuck was that? You were about to collide straight on with oncoming traffic,” Sooyoung seethed. “Didn’t you see the red light?”

Jiwoo, who deflated long ago, responded dully, “I’m sorry. I was distracted.” There was a small smile on her lips.

The examiner sighed, “You should know more than anyone that distracted driving is a one way ticket to death.” She furiously scribbled away at the papers in her clipboard.

“Sooyoung, what are we?” Heejin’s words echoed in her mind and escaped her before she could think things through. Oh, the irony.

“What?” The short haired girl froze, her pen suspended above the paper. She looked at Jiwoo as though she had never seen the girl before.

Jiwoo turned to her, “What am I to you? Are we a thing or am I just someone you fuck when you feel lonely?” She needed to know.

Sooyoung’s expression turned cold. She exhaled sharply, “What are you to me? A lot of things, Jiwoo. The real question is, what am I to you?” She wrote down her final thoughts on Jiwoo’s paper and ripped out her copy.

What the hell did that mean? Jiwoo sat there stupidly with her mouth slack. "I-"

“I don’t think I should be seeing you right now,” Sooyoung said softly. She couldn’t look Jiwoo in the eye. “If you care about us, don’t talk to me until you’ve gotten your shit together, okay? You know where to find me.” She curled her fingers around the door handle and swung the passenger door open.

“Sooyoungie, wait,” pleaded Jiwoo. Was she really about to let her slip through her fingers again?

The older girl hesitated, ready to leave. “I’ll wait, Jiwoo," she spoke with her back turned. "But I can’t be waiting forever.”

Then she was gone, leaving the girl slumped against the driver’s seat. Jiwoo’s exam sheet was all she left in her wake. She stared at her loopy cursive.

_Test terminated after a failure to stop at a red light. Thoughtless and inconsiderate of other drivers and pedestrians. A danger to others close to her and herself. Automatic disqualification. Come back_ only _when you’re ready._

“Fuck.”

Jungeun hadn’t considered the prospect of Jiwoo failing for the second time, especially since she had gotten a lot closer to Sooyoung. The blonde was ready to refuse Jiwoo’s request for a ride home until she saw the quiet, subdued expression of her face. Even though Jiwoo had her head down, Jungeun noticed that the usual light in her eyes was nowhere to be found. She was smiling at nothing again.

Normally, when Jiwoo was sad, she cried and when she was happy, she smiled. Jungeun had only witnessed this from the redhead in her youth and once recently. Every experience with this Jiwoo terrified her. 

_(Jungeun was catching up on her statistics homework when a quiet, splotchy haired Jiwoo with a mindless smile on her face landed on her doorstep._

_“Jiwoo! You tried to go blonde? By yourself?” Jiwoo nodded sheepishly as she entered Jungeun’s dorm. The fact she hadn’t uttered a word concerned Jungeun deeply._

_“How’d you even get here?’_

_“Heejin.” Her voice was oddly strained._

_“Come on, let’s go to the bathroom,” she said, grabbing her wrist. “There’s only room for one dumb blonde in this relationship.”_

_“I want to dye my hair red.”_

_“Red? You’re in luck! I bought dark red hair dye a few days ago but then I talked myself out of it. We’ll have to fix the blonde part first, and I’ll make a mild mixture for your hair so we can do it right after.”_

_As Jiwoo shuffled after Jungeun she suddenly blurted, “Jungeunnie. I love you. A lot.”_

_“I love you too, idiot. Now sit down and play some music.”)_

Jungeun already knew what she had to do. “I’m not taking you home, I’m taking you to my place.”

She looked up, “But what about Jinsol?”

“She won’t mind.”

Jinsol did, in fact, mind when Jiwoo was nearby, but she hid it well for the sake of her girlfriend. Jungeun didn’t like how the most important women in her life didn’t get along when neither side really had a solid reason for disliking the other. 

Well, there was a reason for Jiwoo’s dislike that Jungeun wasn’t aware of: Haseul. 

Haseul miraculously and accidentally ran into Jungeun at a coffee shop. Well technically, the waitress, Jinsol, was the one who ran into Jungeun with a cup of hot coffee and the rest was history. At least Haseul could say she witnessed the beginning of a love story worthy of a fanfic, Jiwoo recalled Haseul somberly recounting their encounter. Jiwoo had held an illogical grudge against Jinsol since then.

“Solie, I’m here!” Jungeun hollered, then added, “Jiwoo’s with me!”

It turned out that Jinsol lived in the same complex as Jungeun. Jiwoo thought it was a little too soon for Jungeun to give Jinsol a key but Sooyoung had once given her a key when they weren’t even dating.

_Oh._

Jinsol called out from the couch, “Hey babe, I missed you! And Jiwoo, nice to see you.” Jiwoo bristled at the pet name directed at her best friend.

The redhead stuck steadfastly near the doorway. “I’m really sorry to intrude on your afternoon,” Jiwoo said before dropping to a whisper, “Jungeunnie, maybe I should go.”

“No, stay. I’m gonna get us some snacks. Jinsol doesn’t bite, ok?” Jungeun squeezed her shoulder and left for the kitchen. 

The redhead had been studying the floors but she brought her eyes up to silently greet the girl on the couch. The show playing on the TV caught her attention.

“Is that Sailor Moon?”

She looked surprised. “You like anime?”

Jiwoo nodded her head vigorously, “I love anime. 90’s anime is my favorite era of anime.” She completely forgot about her dislike for Jinsol.

“What are you moping around the door for?” Jinsol spread out her arms, forgetting her own dislike as well and waved her over, “Get over here! Lip doesn’t share the same enthusiasm for older anime.”

“I know!” said Jiwoo, sitting down beside Jinsol, “She only watches the newer shonen ones even though the plot is always the same. The mainstream art is nice nowadays, like Attack on Titan or Demon Slayer, but the watercolor of the older generations is iconic! Modern animation just can’t create that same nostalgic feeling.”

Jinsol gaped at her. Embarrassed, Jiwoo rubbed the back of her neck, “Sorry, I’m rambling.”

“No, no! It’s okay!” the black haired girl assured her. “I just wasn’t expecting you to share my exact sentiments.”

“Well, you must have good taste! To be fair, AOT is pretty damn good but it doesn’t hit like NGE for example.”

Jinsol gasped and shook her head. “You can’t compare AOT to Neon Genesis Evangelion, those are two completely different ballparks! NGE was way ahead of its time and is a complete mindfuck to this day.”

Jiwoo pondered a bit before conceding, “Yeah, that’s true.”

The redhead took this opportunity to analyze Jungeun’s girlfriend for the first time. She was undeniably attractive and her jawline reminded her of the state of Nevada. It was _that_ sharp. Her eyes were warm and they twinkled on their own. Amazing. Jinsol oozed kindness.

Jungeun came bearing gifts and insults, “What are you two dorks talking about?”  
  


“Your mom,” the two girls said at the same time. They gave each other a flabbergasted look before sharing a congratulatory high five. 

Jungeun sighed, plopping down between them and distributing the snacks, “God forbid the two biggest clowns I know become friends.”

The girls all had work to do but they really needed the afternoon off, especially Jiwoo. They spent the afternoon bonding on the couch, forcing Jungeun to watch various anime pilot episodes. Unfortunately, the only one she really warmed up to was JoJo’s Bizarre Adventures causing the two girls to tease her for her poor taste immediately.

When Jungeun excused herself to go to the bathroom, Jiwoo uttered something unexpected.

“I didn’t like you because I was trying to set up Jungeun with someone and then you happened. But you make her so happy, and you’re kinda cool, so I can’t dislike you anymore. Oh, and I used to be in love with her,” Jiwoo rambled calmly. Her hands flew to cover her mouth.

Jinsol watched her with a neutral expression. Jiwoo was word vomiting and she wasn’t done.“I never told her and I never acted on it because I couldn’t afford to lose the person who got me through high school. I couldn’t lose my best friend.” This time she shoved her fist into her mouth to prevent her from speaking.

Jiwoo laid her secrets bare and hoped she would be judged fairly. Saying those words out loud to someone other than herself finally gave Jiwoo the sense of vindication she had been seeking. 

“Hey, don’t do that cause you might get your fist stuck in your mouth!” Jiwoo carefully extracted her hand.

“You don’t love her like that anymore, right?” Jinsol hummed while munching on popcorn. Jiwoo shook her head and wondered how nonchalantly she accepted her confession. 

“I believe you,” she said lightly, putting the bowl down, “and you should tell her when she comes back from the bathroom.”

Incredulous at her reaction, Jiwoo cocked her head, “Are you serious right now?”

She pointed, “Look here she comes.”

Jungeun returned, having caught the last bit of their conversation. She deadpanned, “Why so serious?”

Jinsol pretended to hurl the remote at her, “You’re terrible. Jiwoo has something to tell you.”

“Uh,” Jiwoo debated between telling the truth and telling a joke. Jungeun flopped down next to her and punched her shoulder, “Out with it then!”

“Well...” she started. She made eye contact with Jinsol behind Jungeun. She gave her a thumbs up. “I-I may or may not have been in love with you for a long time. But not anymore, that would be weird!” She rushed her last out sentence quickly.

_Please don’t hate me._

Jungeun’s mouth flew open, “Are you sick? Are you a clone? What’d you do with my Jiwoo?” She placed the back of her hand against the skin of Jiwoo’s forehead. 

“The fuck, Jungeunnie? It’s me?!” This was the last thing the redhead expected.

She smiled, hiding her lips in amusement, “The Jiwoo I know would never have confessed her true feelings to me.”

Jiwoo crossed her arms, offended, “What’s that supposed to mean? I just did!”

“You’re my best friend and you suck at lying,” admitted Jungeun as she flicked Jiwoo’s forehead, “I’ve known since about sophomore year.”

“And you never said anything? What the hell?”

“I wasn’t about to force you to out yourself to yourself. Aww, my little Jiwoo,” she cooed while pinching her cheek.

She slapped the hand away roughly, “I’m literally taller than you!” Jungeun giggled, ruffling her bangs. Letting her muss up her hair, Jiwoo grumbled,“You’re not mad or anything?”

“How could I be mad? You were nothing but kind and sweet to me. If I had to be mad about something, it’s how you never stood up for your feelings even when I started going out with Yeji.”

“I fucking hate you,” Jiwoo hissed.

_Thank God._

Meanwhile, Jinsol absorbed the situation unfolding in silence. At the end she clapped and guffawed, “Wow!”

Both girls stared at her. She went on, “That was some soap opera! Encore! Encore!” 

“You think this is funny? Huh?” Jungeun tried to aggressively pelt her girlfriend with popcorn, but the dark haired girl only caught the pieces in her smiling mouth.

The laughter that escaped Jiwoo’s throat was pure and golden as she flung a small KitKat at Jinsol’s forehead. 

  
  


\---

  
  


It had been days since Jiwoo failed her second driving exam and Jiwoo’s Maine Coon could not be found. She wasn’t in any of her usual hiding spots; she wasn’t hiding under the couch, nor under Jiwoo’s bed or sleeping in the laundry basket. The lack of a Hyunjin in her apartment worried Jiwoo. The possibility she escaped crossed her mind, but Jiwoo never kept her windows open anymore and there was no reason for Hyunjin to want to leave. Jiwoo respected her space as a cat and in return, Hyunjin maintained a constant presence that she found comforting. The redhead looked at the empty yellow food bowl and collapsed on the kitchen floor. 

She was an animal after all, and they craved freedom.

As she sat on the floor, a suppressed gut feeling washed over her: Hyunjin was never meant to stay. Fate had brought her to Hyunjin and she had a feeling that fate whisked her away. However, Jiwoo didn’t think her cat was dead. No, she knew that fate probably sent Hyunjin to someone who needed her. Gingerly holding the food bowl in her hands, she smiled as a tear traced a path down her cheek. 

Fate had faith in Jiwoo. It wasn’t too much, to be honest, but she would guide Jiwoo, if the girl let her.

The next morning, Jiwoo awkwardly called Heejin and asked her to breakfast. The pair had commonly met for dinner and the occasional lunch, but they never shared a breakfast that wasn’t in Heejin’s apartment. It had been about a week since their falling out. Heejin agreed faster than she expected.

They met at a medium sized diner they had dinner at before. Jiwoo had arrived first and she shyly waved Heejin over when she arrived. Breakfast was Heejin’s favorite meal of the day.

_She dyed her hair._

“Jiwoo,” Heejin slid into the booth, “What do you want?” She wore a black, oversized wool trench coat with a hint of a red and white shirt poking out. 

Now that Heejin was in front of her, Jiwoo lost all her nerve. The older girl yawned, “I was thinking about getting some pancakes. What about you?”

Heejin gave her a look. “If this is how you’re going to act, I’m leaving,” she sighed, moving across the booth again.

“No! Don’t go,” she yelled as she tugged on Heejin’s sleeve, “I’m sorry.” The girl hovered for a moment before settling back down.

“You dyed your hair,” she mumbled in her seat, “It looks good on you.” Her dark brown hair was now golden brown hair and blonde highlights.

Heejin gave her a small smile, “Thanks.”

“I want to talk but I need some time to think first.”

“Alright.”

A painfully tense silence enveloped the pair as they decided on what to eat. The older girl looked at the menu without reading it. After she put it down, the younger one signalled for a waitress and a familiar black haired girl glided over to take their order. It was the last person Jiwoo expected to see right now. 

In the days after the two girls bonded over their superior taste in anime and Jungeun’s lack of taste, Jiwoo talked to Jinsol about her problems, especially the ones she couldn’t tell Jungeun. Jiwoo chalked it up as Jinsol’s neutral but non judgemental nature, and also maybe the fact she was planning on becoming a therapist. She spilled everything from her embarrassing high school years, to meeting Sooyoung, all the way to the accidental apartment fire.

The banged hunchback ruffled Jiwoo’s bangs in greeting, “Jiwoo, what a surprise to see you here!”

“I thought you worked at a cafe?” Jiwoo said, batting away Jinsol’s hand.

“Did I forget to mention I have like three part time jobs?”

Lost, Heejin tilted her head at Jiwoo, “Uh…”

Jiwoo slapped her forehead, “Oh shit, this is-”

“Jinsol,” finished the waitress, pointing at her nametag. Before Jiwoo could tell Jinsol to shut, she smiled earnestly, “Hey, are you the infamous Sooyoung she’s always talking about?”

Jiwoo gritted her teeth and hid her face in her palms. Hadn’t she mentioned Heejin to Jinsol? Or was she too busy ranting about Sooyoung to explain her issue with her? Then, she realized there was no way Jinsol could have known what Sooyoung or Heejin looked like since she forgot to show her pictures. 

_Way to go, Jiwoo._

“Um, no,” she said with polite confusion, extending a hand, “I’m Heejin.”

Caught off guard, Jinsol shook her hand quickly and nervously cleared her throat, “Ah. So, what can I get you today?”

“I’ll have the avocado toast and an iced Americano, please. Thank you,” Heejin chirped, courteous as ever.

From beneath her hands, Jiwoo’s muffled voice said, “Chicken and waffles please and make that two iced Americanos.”

Jinsol raised her eyebrow at their choice of drinks in the middle of winter but shrugged, “Gotcha. Anything else?”

Both girls shook their heads. Jinsol lingered, debating if she should apologize while she took their menus away. She decided against it. “Right, I’ll be back with your drinks shortly.”

Jiwoo felt like flinging herself towards the sun again. 

“She’s pleasant,” Heejin offered, looking everywhere except at the girl in front of her. Jiwoo cautiously looked up, “Yeah, she’s cool. She’s my best friend’s girlfriend.”

A pause.

“So,” she fiddled the tiny containers of half and half on the table, “Who’s Sooyoung?”

Jiwoo brought her head up and pursed her lips together, “She’s the reason why I asked you to meet today.”

“Are you ready to talk?”

“I think so.”

“I see. Go on, then.”

She took a second to figure out where she should start. There were too many options. Oh well, she dove in headfirst into her pool of memories.

\---

Jiwoo came from affluence. When she headed into college majoring in the STEM fields, her parents were more than happy to pay for her housing and her way through college. All throughout her freshman year, she was the only student who could afford an unshared dorm room, but Jiwoo didn’t like being alone. She gained a reputation for cheaply housing stray students until they could find a more permanent situation. Thankfully, no one ever tried to take advantage of her kindness.

Over the summer, Jiwoo fell into an inky black abyss for a number of reasons. She had survived high school but college was another beast. In reality, Jiwoo wasn’t passionate about being a STEM major. She had absolutely no inkling of what she wanted to do and no motivation to find it.

Her entire life she was told she had to be successful enough to make her parents proud. Yet, all she knew was that she loved being around people but that wasn’t enough for her to decide on a career.

To make matters worse, she outed herself to her parents in a surprise visit and their reactions were less than ideal. In a heated rage, her father angrily spat at her, threatening to disown her and berating her with all kinds of slurs. Her mother stood by, silently watching her only child shatter before her eyes. Jiwoo had enough when his cold palm slapped her cheek with the force of an ex-military commander. She ran out of the mansion and kept running. 

That was when Jiwoo found herself sobbing her eyes out in a park in the middle of a languid summer night. She had spent a lot of time in that park as a child and recalled a fast-moving river. Enough was enough, but then she adopted Hyunjin.

Fast forward to the beginning of her sophomore year. Jiwoo found out her father had stopped paying for her tuition and for her housing. She would be evicted by the end of the year. 

She pressed on purely for Hyunjin. Frugally fearing this day would happen, Freshman Jiwoo had opened her own bank account and routinely deposited about a third of her parents’ monthly allowance. It barely covered her rent, but it was also just enough to save Sophomore Jiwoo and Hyunjin from starving.

She knew it would be easier if she gave Hyunjin away, but she couldn't find it in her heart to part with her cat. She decided to work part time instead. Tuition could wait until later.

Jiwoo refused to abandon an innocent soul (and also completely forgot about looking for a permanent roommate to save on rent.)

She met Sooyoung on her way to buy groceries. Normally Jiwoo would use the stairs, but she knew she'd have to lug pounds of food up those very same stairs later. So, she conserved her energy by waiting for the elevator. When it dinged open, Jiwoo was greeted with the sight of a goddess and her tiny landlady discussing something on a sheet of paper. 

The goddess looked up first and Jiwoo narrowly avoided a heart attack. Her landlady acknowledged her first, screeching, “Ah, Kim Jiwoo! My favorite resident! This is your new neighbor!”

“Hi, I'm Ha Sooyoung,” said the goddess warmly as they stepped out of the elevator. Jiwoo nearly lost it when she noticed the massive height difference between the figures in front her. The landlady, Yeojin, was shorter than Jiwoo but standing next to Sooyoung made her seem like a straight up dwarf. 

Flustered, Jiwoo tried to greet her just as warmly but it came out as a hot mess of syllables that sounded vaguely like words, “Nicetameetchuu.”

Sooyoung feigned gentle surprise, “Nice to meet who? Chuu?” 

The brown haired girl (since it would be another year until she dyed her hair red) giggled nervously against her will, soliciting a groan from Yeojin. The acute landlady had seen one too many rom coms to know where this was heading.

She backed up into the elevator, “Hey Jiwoo, would you mind showing Sooyoung to 1009? Someone on the sixth floor is claiming that everything smells like weed! Thanks, I owe you one, kid!” The elevator doors shut just as she finished. 

The younger girl opened her mouth to protest, but the looking goddess in front of her smiled and she melted like wax under the sun. She wasn’t about to refuse getting to know her hot new neighbor. 

She was a few inches taller than her and absolutely stunning. From her kissable lips to her captivatingly gorgeous eyes, to her long chocolatey brown hair, she looked unreal and more like a statue breathed into life. 

Jiwoo clapped her hands together, suddenly remembering how to speak somewhat properly, “That’s Yeojin for you but at least she’s a decent landlady.”

“She’s really something else,” Sooyoung snickered. “Jiwoo, right? Shall we go?”

“Yup! Follow me!” 

Jiwoo skipped through the halls to hide her nervous excitement. Leading the taller girl through the maze of the 10th floor, they shared some small talk and Jiwoo was utterly enchanted by her charm.

“Here’s 1009! I’m over there in 1010,” she said, jutting her head to the right of Sooyoung’s apartment. “The stairs are past my door over there, just in case of emergencies.”

“Thank you kindly, Chuu,” Sooyoung tipped an invisible hat to Jiwoo, “I guess I should see if my stuff arrived unharmed.”

Jiwoo blushed at the nickname and tilted her head, “Did you buy the apartment without visiting it first or something?”

Sooyoung nodded, slotting the key into the lock. “I picked the first pet-friendly dorm with a view that I could find.” 

The door swung open and revealed various suitcases and a few boxes. Sooyoung had earlier implied it, but Jiwoo was taken aback at the sheer elegance of the fully furnished apartment. To the younger girl, it looked like a five star hotel room in some distant European country even with the various boxes stacked against the walls, some plain and some labeled.

Jiwoo gasped, “Wow.” Sooyoung’s taste made Jiwoo’s apartment seem like a child’s dollhouse.

“Pretty sweet, huh?” With the ease of a dancer, Sooyoung gracefully twirled around with her arms outstretched. Jiwoo got a glimpse of her abs underneath her black coat.

She broke out of her trance to ask a question. “Wait, you mentioned a pet?”

“Yeah!” she said, stopping her twirl, “A Shiba Inu named Olivia. She should be arriving in about a week.” That explained the suspiciously giant box with the name “Olivia” scrawled across it.

“How cute!” In actuality, Jiwoo wasn’t all that fond of dogs. She loved how energetic they could be, but she could never see herself taking care of one. She preferred the feline variety. Cats were independent and moderately chill, not to mention less needy.

Jiwoo observed the lazy way Sooyoung leaned against the bedroom’s door frame. “I have a Hyunjin! She’s a Maine Coon. Actually, speaking of Hyunjin, I was supposed to buy food for her…”

Sooyoung startled to attention and spoke apologetically, “I had no idea! I’m so sorry if I distracted you.”  
  


“No! I mean, you weren’t a distraction at all. I really enjoyed meeting you!”

“If it’s not too much to ask, can I come with you? I have to get stuff for Olivia, if you don’t mind me coming,” rambled Sooyoung. She rubbed the back of her neck and a tint of pink arose in her cheeks.

Was Jiwoo making this upperclassman flustered?

“Sure! I would love that.”

They made their way down to the basement, chatting naturally. In the parking garage, Sooyoung asked, “Are we taking my car or yours?”

The brunette stopped in her tracks, embarrassed. “I don’t know how to drive...” Jiwoo admitted meekly.

Luckily, Sooyoung wasn’t fazed. “Good thing I do. Hop in loser, we’re going shopping!” 

Going out to buy pet food, and eventually groceries became a ritual for the two of them. Sooyoung’s car was the newest model of the most fuel efficient sedan and it solved Jiwoo’s burden of carrying the 20 pound bag of litter she needed for Hyunjin. 

On their way out, the older girl wondered, “How did you do groceries before?”

Jiwoo answered with a face breaking grin, “With a big backpack and a lot of pain!”

During their first shopping trip, and in the ones to come, Jiwoo learned a lot about Sooyoung, like the fact she was a dance major with a bachelor’s in business and marketing. Sooyoung also came from an affluent family, but she refused their help and chose to make it on her own because she wanted her own dance studio while they wanted her to become a lawyer. 

It had only been a week, and she was hopeless.

As expected, Sooyoung’s Shiba Inu was delivered right to her doorstep exactly one week after the neighbors became quick buddies. The rumbling outside had caused Jiwoo to pop her head out and see Olivia arrive in a bulky silver cage studded with...diamonds? 

She called out while approaching apartment 1009, “Am I dreaming or does your dog carrier have a bunch of sparkly diamonds on it?”

Sooyoung shrugged, “Maybe. She’s my princess and she deserves the best.” She stooped down to address her dog, “Isn’t that right baby? Did you miss your Sooyoungie?”

In between Olivia’s excited barks, Jiwoo snickered, “Sooyoungie? Hold on, are these diamonds real?”

Her neighbor carefully shuffled the crate inside her apartment, gesturing for Jiwoo to follow and answering her question. “Let’s play a game. Some of them are real and some of them are fake. If you get the number right, I’ll buy you dinner. If you get the number wrong, you buy me dinner.”

Olivia had ceased her barking but resumed when her owner freed her from the cage. She eagerly leapt into Sooyoung’s arms and the girl on the floor became too preoccupied with cuddling her dog to mind Jiwoo. 

Thankfully, Jiwoo forgot to mention that she worked at a jewelry shop, although she didn’t need her job experience here. Her heart leapt at the prospect of Sooyoung buying her dinner. She made quick work and had her answer ready in about a minute. 

“There’s fifty diamonds and twelve of them are real. They’re the ones on the edges of the sides, about half a carat each.”

Sooyoung suddenly turned her attention to Jiwoo, Olivia following suit. A low growl formed in the back of her throat. In any other circumstance, Jiwoo would have been scared of a dog growling at her but Olivia resembled a loaf of bread and was a lot tinier than her parents’ Rottweilers and Doberman Pinschers.

“Olivia, behave.” The dog relaxed almost instantly. “How did you know?”

Jiwoo flashed a cheeky grin and said, “Is now a good time to mention I work at a jewelry shop? Now I think you owe me dinner, _Sooyoungie_.”

The older girl playfully sighed, “A deal is a deal. Does tomorrow at 5 work?” She swore Sooyoung blushed.

“As long as you pick me up. Bye Olivia, and see you tomorrow at 5, _Sooyoungie_ ,” Jiwoo teased as she walked out the door. The second she entered her own apartment, she whipped out her phone and cancelled all her shifts for the next day.

At precisely 5 pm the next day, Sooyoung knocked on Jiwoo’s door, completely oblivious to the absolute panic Jiwoo was going through. A minute passed and Sooyoung double checked to make sure she got the right apartment. 

“Jiwoo?” she called through the door.

“Just a minute!” a voice called out faintly. 

Jiwoo wished she had more than a minute but she already had hours to prepare. She just wasn’t satisfied with her appearance, no matter how many times she changed her outfit. Her mind was warping into overdrive and her desire for perfection kicked in and kicked her in the gut. 

Against her better judgment, she opened the door to let Sooyoung in because it was rude to keep someone waiting after all.

“You look cute.” 

The flawless goddess that was her neighbor just complimented her, a slight sweaty and mildly huffing, disheveled Jiwoo and suddenly the brunette felt there was no need to change into another dress. 

“Are you ready? Let’s go!” 

Jiwoo smiled and let Sooyoung drag her down the hallway.

A few weeks passed and the neighbors spent more and more time in each other’s apartments when they were free, although Sooyoung preferred to go to Jiwoo’s place rather than having Jiwoo come over. When Jiwoo asked her why, her answer sent a shockwave rippling through her frail, gay heart. 

“Your apartment feels more like home than mine.”

On the morning of October 20th, Kim Jiwoo turned another year older. She wouldn’t realize it was her birthday until that evening. 

(Up above, the deities rejoiced and cheered.)

She went about her normal Wednesday schedule and attended her mind-numbing morning classes. In the afternoon, she led her weekly group tutoring session in the library with seven rambunctious high schoolers. They could be quite a handful but they paid, and more importantly tipped, extremely well. 

During one of their short breaks, the tutor’s favorite pupil giggled, “How come you’re so smiley nowadays, Ms. Kim Jiwoo?” The dimpled girl gasped, “Do you have a boyfriend?”

The group released scandalous cooing noises, much to Jiwoo’s chagrin.

“A boyfriend?” Jiwoo echoed incredulously, gesturing to herself, “You really think a boy can handle all of this, Han Jihyo? As if!" The tutor flipped her hair, “I don’t have time for love!”

“There’s always time for love,” deadpanned the one they called Monday for some reason.

One of the rowdier ones, Jiyoon, wasn’t buying it. “So you’re telling us that nobody’s putting that extra whipped smile on your face? You liar!”

Jiwoo whisper-screamed, “Yes! Is that really so hard to believe?” 

They all stared at her seriously, all traces of foolery gone. “Yes,” they answered in unison. It was kind of creepy actually, except right after they immediately exploded into chaos again.

Soojin, the most mature one out of them, backed Jiwoo up. “Guys, if she says she doesn’t have a boyfriend, then she doesn’t have a boyfriend.”

“Yeah, Soojin’s right.” The girls looked at the youngest, surprised she agreed with the party-pooper, until Hyewon grinned mischievously, “Jiwoo’s obviously gay, and I bet she has a girlfriend.”

“Oh my god, you’re totally right. Jiwoo is like the fruitiest person I’ve ever met,” nodded Soeun.

“Not you too, Soeun,” sighed the tutor. She refused to confirm nor deny their statements. What did fruity even mean? “You’ve been awfully quiet, Jaehee.”

The young blonde shrugged innocently, “As long as you’re happy, Jiwoo. It doesn’t matter to me.”

A bunch of soft awwing noises broke out amongst the students and Jiwoo herself. She considered herself lucky to be able to tutor these kids. “You girls are really something else, you know that? Alright, break’s over. Let’s get back to electron configurations!”

The girls exchanged knowing glances with each other and flipped open their notebooks. 

After her session, she worked an uneventful shift at the jewelry store, selling only a pair of sterling promise rings to a nervous boy and a butterfly broach to some old lady. When she returned home that evening, she was content but exhausted, per usual.

She changed into her favorite onesie and flopped down next to Hyunjin on the couch, until she abruptly got up to give her cat some food. Hyunjin was sitting upright watching a BBC nature documentary, but chowed down on the wet food Jiwoo placed in front of her. 

“What’d you learn about this time, Hyun?" She flopped back down again. "The black-footed cat? It kinda looks like a miniature version of you!”

Hyunjin stopped eating long enough to yowl at Jiwoo, almost in agreement. Then Jiwoo’s stomach yowled at her. The second journey to the kitchen revealed that the fridge held two eggs, some borderline expired milk, and half a loaf of bread.

The girl blinked in frustration, mumbling aloud, “I forgot to go grocery shopping today.” Before Jiwoo could beat herself up about it, her doorbell rang.

Her face lit up with delight as she raced to the door. “Sooyoungie? Hey! What’s that behind your back?”

She teetered back and forth on her feet, like a little schoolgirl. “Not much. I just thought someone might have forgotten to go grocery shopping with me today so I may or may not have bought you dinner since I know you probably forgot to eat today.” She held up a takeout bag.

It was true. She didn’t even notice that she skipped lunch. Jiwoo’s vision began to blur, “Y-you did that for me?”

“Of course, dummy. Are you gonna let me in or not?”

“Yeah,” she said, stepping aside, “Sorry for the mess, I just got home.” She had thrown the contents of her backpack on the table, including her work uniform, and there were dog-eared science textbooks all over the place. Let’s just say there was enough stray cat hair laying around to build another Hyunjin.

“Pfft, your apartment is always a mess,” the older girl teased. Hyunjin hopped off the couch and weaved her way in between Sooyoung’s legs as she entered. Jiwoo quickly swiped everything off her table while Sooyoung was distracted.

“Hey Hyun, you flirt,” teased Sooyoung, depositing the takeout on the now empty table. She stooped down to pet her but Hyunjin rolled over and exposed her stomach.

The younger girl softly gasped because Hyunjin had never done that with anyone else.

She got up, eager to eat, and sat down across from Jiwoo, “Itadakimasu!” Looking down, Jiwoo noticed comfortingly familiar dishes.

“J-japanese food.. My favorite. It’s already 9 pm, gosh, you didn’t have to, Sooyoung.”

“Oh, but I did,” she beamed, splitting her chopsticks neatly, “I had an early dinner anyway and I got hungry again. Now eat and tell me about your day.”

Jiwoo mumbled happily as she told Sooyoung about her normal day. The Japanese curry she had brought nearly sent Jiwoo into outer space. She talked about her classes and her tutoring session and apologized profusely for forgetting their routine trip to the market. Sooyoung lazily basked in her warmth while enjoying her own sushi.

At the end of the meal, Sooyoung headed towards the door, a little too early for Jiwoo’s liking. “Leaving so soon?” she pouted.

The older girl winked, “I forgot something in my apartment. I’ll be back in a jiffy.”

Jiwoo stuck her tongue out in response, “Forgetful much, grandma?” Sooyoung rolled her eyes and shut the door.

Two minutes passed, then five minutes passed, and then ten. Jiwoo cleaned up the table and settled on the couch. Not even YouTube videos could quell her anxiety. How long was a jiffy?

When Jiwoo was about to give up hope, a gentle knock came from the door. Sooyoung stood with a messily decorated cake nestled in her hands, “Sorry, it took me longer than I thought to decorate it.”

Jiwoo finally cried. In squiggly but readable scrawl, Sooyoung had written “ **HBD KIM JIWOO!!!** ” inside of a big, red heart. A ring of candles circled the edge of the hastily frosted cake.

Then Sooyoung advanced into the apartment, careful not to let the cake fall. She sang in a low voice that would engrain itself into Jiwoo's lasting memories.

“ _Happy birthday to Chuu,_

_happy birthday to Chuu!_

_Happy birthday, dear Jiwoo!_

_Happy birthday to you!”_

By the end of the song, she had set the cake down as Jiwoo wrapped her in a tight embrace. “I can’t believe you remembered,” she sobbed, “I didn’t even remember.”

“How could I forget?” she whispered, softly stroking her hair, “It’s okay, I’ll remember things for the both of us then.”

The whispering of her heart told Jiwoo right then that she was a lost cause. (The cake tasted like one too, but it’s the thought that counts.)

She stayed with Jiwoo until midnight even though the birthday girl had to rush a paper she forgot was due the next day. She lounged on the couch with Hyunjin nearby and gave her the occasional praise and a head pat which were the only things that kept the younger girl going. After Sooyoung left, Jiwoo passed out on her desk with the stupidest grin on her face.

It was inevitable, the way Jiwoo began to fall like a felled tree in an empty forest. If you’re falling in a forest, and no one is around, do you ever really crash or even make a sound? Jiwoo hoped her fall would remain a silent secret.

It didn’t help that the older girl never cared to explain her sexuality, and never spoke about her love life. At the same time, it was like Sooyoung had a dragon that breathed fire and fanned its flame at anyone who dared to walk up to her fortress. Her unwillingness to open up deterred Jiwoo from acting on her feelings too much, but it couldn’t stop her falling. That mysterious aura pulled Jiwoo in even deeper.

The last time she felt like this was in high school, and that didn’t end up very well for her.

It was strange too, the way Sooyoung would do and say things that hinted at something more, before covering her tracks. Jiwoo could tell that every move she made and every word she said was carefully calculated for the most part. One thing was certain: the older girl was undoubtedly fond of her neighbor. 

She couldn’t say the same for Olivia, the frosty Shiba Inu whom Jiwoo could never win over no matter what she did. Sooyoung justified it with jealousy but something about Olivia still unsettled Jiwoo. It was her eyes, Jiwoo realized one day while the dog was glowering at her. They were eyes that belonged to unbroken wolves and not loaves of bread.

The weeks blurred by in a beautiful, warm haze. The deities watched from up above. Insert a montage of domestic fluffy scenes. (Here, I’ll help since most of them belong in the Clown Museum anyway!)

There was the time Jiwoo almost ran over a grandmother with a stray shopping cart, and the time when Jiwoo nearly burned down the kitchen because she and Sooyoung were having a heated debate over weird food pairings.

_(“I swear to God, dipping fries in shakes is the only acceptable way to eat American fast food.”_

_“What next? Don’t tell me you dip the burger in the shake too! You’re so weird, Sooyoungie.”_

_“You’re the one that- Wait, do you smell that? It smells like-”_

_“The cookies!” They screamed as they ran for the kitchen.)_

And then there was the time Jiwoo made her watch the Matrix trilogy in one sitting to which Sooyoung conked out at around halfway, the time Sooyoung took her to the aquarium one day when she had received a bad score on a test the day before, and to the zoo to see penguins when she had accidentally tripped on the stairs and sprained her wrist, narrowly avoiding a broken bone.

Oh, and the time Sooyoung discovered that Jiwoo sometimes dabbled with… greenery and… occasionally alcohol at night. 

_(The door opened to reveal the girl in a baggy T-shirt that concealed her short shorts. She wore her hair in a messy bun with a blunt hanging out of the corner of her mouth._

_“Hey,” she smirked, leaning on the doorframe, “Wanna join me?”_

_Jiwoo was too faded to realize Sooyoung couldn’t stop staring at her everytime she took a hit and exhaled the smoke out in a hazy cloud._

_She never realized Sooyoung was drooling, and it wasn’t because of the weed.)_

Then the time they helped a little girl get her cat out of a tree. All Jiwoo did was scream and squeal repeatedly until the cat got annoyed and clambered down to escape her high pitched ear torture. And that one time movies where Jiwoo successfully fooled the cashier into thinking she and Sooyoung were a couple for a discount.

_(“Haha, are you excited for the movie, babe?” Jiwoo discreetly elbowed Sooyoung’s ribs and gestured at the giant promotional sign with her eyes, hoping she would get the message._

_“Um, yes! Hey, could you hold something for me?” Sooyoung held out a hand for Jiwoo to hold but the younger girl gave her a pointed look._

_“Can’t you see I’m- Oh.” The cashier watched Sooyoung snatch the box of popcorn out of Jiwoo’s tiny hand in order to hold it in her own._

_“You always fall for the stupidest lines, sweetheart.” She placed a soft kiss on Jiwoo’s cheek for good measure._

_The cashier rolled his eyes and gave them the discounted price.)_

The one moment that changed everything was when Sooyoung tried to get into Jiwoo’s apartment at 4 in the morning, completely wasted and drunk off her ass. It was a surprise the girl was able to get home at all, but she had been dropped off by one of her friends. 

Meanwhile, Jiwoo woke up terrified thinking that a robber was breaking down her door. She was lucky her adrenaline fueled instincts narrowly prevented her from bashing in Sooyoung’s pretty face with a metal baseball bat.

“Chuu? What’re you doin’ in my apartment, ChuuChuu Train?” she slurred. The baseball bat, comically suspended in midair, froze while Jiwoo processed the sight in front of her. She breathed out and set the bat down to assist Sooyoung. The drunk girl took on a slight accent, but Jiwoo couldn’t discern it. 

“This is my apartment, dummy,” she gently scolded while trying to get her to stand upright but Sooyoung just stumbled further into apartment 1009. She almost bonked her head on the edge of Jiwoo's table. “Nooo, this is mine cuz it smells like home.”

Her heart fluttered again but she was too bothered by the stench of alcohol and perfume on Sooyoung, perfume that Jiwoo didn’t recognize. She sighed, “Ugh, fine, you can sleep here. Just don’t throw up on me.”

Jiwoo set the drunken girl down on her bed. She peeled off Sooyoung’s jacket and went to fetch pajamas that might fit her. Turns out that wasn't really necessary. When Jiwoo was turned around, Sooyoung clumsily stripped to her undergarments and passed out. There were faint bruises lining her neck.

That wasn’t all Jiwoo was staring at. The younger girl unleashed a muffled scream, barely managing to stay calm. Sooyoung was even skinnier than she imagined and every inch of her skin showed off her athleticism. Shaking her head, and staring at anything but her bra, Jiwoo adjusted her position to be more comfortable.

She tucked Sooyoung into bed and left pajamas for her and her own clothes folded on top of her dresser. Jiwoo stole one of her many blankets and went back to sleep on her couch, the image of Sooyoung, and the bruises on her creamy neck, burning at the forefront of her mind. 

She fell into a dreamless sleep with a frown on her face.

The next morning was a little awkward to say the least. Jiwoo was swiftly typing away on her laptop when the door to her bedroom creeped open, revealing Sooyoung wearing Jiwoo’s faded pink sweater. 

Jiwoo plastered on a welcoming smile to hide her fatigue. “Well good morning, Sooyoungie! It’s 10 am. Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah, I did- Um, what am I doing here? I thought I went to my apartment. Did we…?”

“Did we do what?” asked Jiwoo innocently. She wasn’t a prude but she wanted to see if Sooyoung would squirm. 

“N-nothing! I wouldn’t have…” she trailed off and Jiwoo hid her slight disappointment. “Thank you for the Advil and, uh, letting me sleep in your bed,” she said, shyly leaning against the doorframe.

Jiwoo waved her off, “It’s only because I was too lazy to walk to you to your actual apartment. You’re heavy, you know.” She was lying but she stared at her computer again. “If you like my apartment so much, you should just start paying rent and move in,” Jiwoo joked nonchalantly. 

She wasn’t expecting Sooyoung to actually consider it, but her stunned silence gave her away. “Geez, I was just kidding, Sooyoungie!”

Snapping out of her daze, she said in a scandalous tone, “And they were roommates.” Before Jiwoo could cringe, Sooyoung gasped and disappeared back into the room, grabbing her clothes. “I gotta go, Jiwoo! I’ll bring your clothes back later!”

Then she was gone as quick as she came, and she never gave back her hoodie.

Later that day, Sooyoung left an envelope for Jiwoo containing a key and a note. It read, “for whenever I’m drunk or for whenever you wanna stop by.” Jiwoo tucked the key into her back pocket and fell.

At some point in the middle of the semester, Jiwoo had noticed that Sooyoung would get visitors at night. Like clockwork, both men and women would knock on Sooyoung’s door to come out an hour or two later. 

She didn’t mean to pry but the footsteps usually broke her concentration. Jiwoo tried to not let it get under her skin, but around Thanksgiving she finally asked Sooyoung about it. 

After her guest had left, the younger girl traversed the short distance to 1009. Sooyoung opened the door, startled, “Did you-” she started, but upon seeing her neighbor she broke into a smile, “Hey, Jiwoo. What’s up?”

“Why do people keep visiting you at night?” She wasn’t planning on being so blunt but there was no turning back now.

Sooyoung leaned against the door frame with her arms crossed in an arrogant manner, “What’s it to you, Chuu?” Jiwoo couldn’t read her eyes.

“I-I was just curious, that’s all,” she stuttered.

She flicked a piece of cat hair off Jiwoo’s shoulder and leaned in close enough where Jiwoo could see her faint smattering of freckles.

“Do you think I’m sleeping with them?”

Jiwoo flinched backwards, waving her hands in front of her. Her face burned, “No! That’s not what I thought at all! And even if you were, that would be totally okay with me because you’re very quiet about it!”

She chuckled and turned around, leaving the door open. “Come inside.”

_Huh?_

Jiwoo was met with a dim living room lit only by candles and the led lights from the aromatic water diffusers spewing lavender from the corners of the room.

“The people who visit me are other dance majors. I have a super secret skill and they pay me to help them.” 

She came up behind Jiwoo and whispered in her ear, “I’m a masseuse.” She walked in front of her and had the gall to bashfully add, “Well, an amateur one.”

Jiwoo was about two seconds away from passing out, but she was rooted to her spot. Even though there was nothing blatantly erotic about this situation, everything about it seemed charged with some kind of… energy. She circled around Jiwoo again, and her hands crept their way up to Jiwoo’s shoulders.

“You’re really tense, Jiwoo. Want a session?”

Her face was on fire, for too many reasons all at once. She mumbled, “I-I don’t think I can afford it.”

“I can make an exception.” The offer became more and more enticing as Sooyoung continued kneading her shoulders.

“D-do you usually make exceptions?”

The older girl hovered just an inch away from Jiwoo’s body. “Never. Only because you’ve been a very good friend to me.”

Jiwoo physically could not refuse, not when Sooyoung was now completely pressed up behind her and working her hands down her arms. 

“I-if you don’t m-mind.” This was surreal.

“It would be my pleasure,” she chuckled near her ear, sending fire coursing through her veins. She stepped away and Jiwoo could think again. “Would you mind having it done on my bed? I’m too lazy to fix up the table right now.”

The younger girl gulped, “That’s fine,” as she followed Sooyoung into her bedroom. Olivia laid on her bed in the corner sleeping. 

Only then did it occur to Jiwoo that she had never seen Sooyoung’s bed. They had always stayed in the living room or kitchen with Olivia. Nothing seemed too unusual to warrant secrecy so she pushed the thought out of her mind.

Sooyoung went to her drawer and threw a pair of spandex at her. “Put those on, and lay face down on my bed. I’ll be right back.” Before Jiwoo could back out, Sooyoung softly woke Olivia and coaxed her outside. 

Wasn’t this exactly what Jiwoo wanted? The girl she had a gigantic crush on was not in fact selling her body for money and she was about to have her hands on her bare skin. This was what she would only dream of yet she found herself nervously dreadful as she followed Sooyoung’s instructions. 

Knocks on the door spurred Jiwoo from her thoughts. “Can I come in?”

Laying down on her stomach, Jiwoo flung her head to the side and hoped her voice wouldn’t betray her, “Y-yeah!” She buried her face back into Sooyoung’s bed and breathed in shakily. 

“Huh.” The hardwood floor creaked as Sooyoung walked.

Jiwoo’s anxiety skyrocketed. “What is it?”

The side of the bed dipped. “You have a nice figure. And you’re not as tiny as I thought.”

“T-thanks, I guess?” She draped a blanket over Jiwoo’s exposed back.

“So, is there any area you think needs the most work?”

Jiwoo brought her head up and tucked her chin into the crook of her left arm. She stared at the headboard of the bed. When all else failed, she could hide her emotions with her barrage of words. “My legs because I walk a lot but also my shoulders cause I carry all my books around but also my back because I have terrible posture and-”

“Shhh, I’ll just work on everything,” she chuckled. “I’ll start on your legs. Sound good?”

“Sooyoung, you could tell me you were a murderer and I’d say it sounds good because you make everything sound good.”

Jiwoo could practically feel the older girl rolling her eyes. She twitched a little when the cold, slippery oil met the skin of her calves, then Sooyoung’s warmly firm hands eased their way into the muscle of her right leg. 

“If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought you were a dancer. You’ve got strong calves, Chuu.”

The older girl massaged a good spot. Jiwoo stifled a groan before answering, “J-just the perks of walking everywhere!” Sooyoung’s hands moved down to her foot and she yelped, “Wait! I’m really ticklish there!”

The hands disappeared and reappeared on her other leg wordlessly. Under her breath, Sooyoung snorted, “Cute.”

_CUTE?_

Everything was on fucking fire because Jiwoo’s left side seemed even more sensitive and she couldn't suppress her groans anymore. It just felt so _good._

After kneading her calves, she slowly moved up to her thighs. Instinctively, Jiwoo’s lower half tensed up in her nervousness.

“Hey now, you gotta relax, or else this won’t be very effective.”

“I know, s-sorry.” She was glad her face was hidden from view.

“Are you sure you’re okay with me doing this?” The amount of concern in her voice melted some of Jiwoo’s anxiety.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I’ll tell you if I get uncomfortable, I promise.”

“Okay.”

Sooyoung continued with her lower body. Each stroke fueled the fire burning inside Jiwoo but she could have sworn there were a few things that weren’t typically a part of Sooyoung’s normal routine. 

For example, Sooyoung traced a little too close to the inside of Jiwoo’s thigh with a feather touch. She could tell that part of her routine included the ass too, but the lingering feather-light touch made her heart race even faster.

Jiwoo’s mind warped into overdrive. Was this normal? They were just friends right? Sooyoung was just being a good neighbor to her neighbor and they were friends who hung out in each other’s apartments and were friendly neighbors and-

“Are you still awake?”

“Mhm.”

“I’ll move to your upper body now.”

“Mhmm.”

The cold air nipped at Jiwoo’s back and Sooyoung slathered her in more oil. If she thought it was hard to ignore the burning pit earlier, it was borderline unbearable now. She stopped moderating her sounds and just relaxed into Sooyoung’s touch.

Then, Sooyoung softly traced a straight line up and down Jiwoo’s spine. Her back arched and she couldn’t help the moan that left her. More than anything she wanted Sooyoung to-

Suddenly she stopped. “Um, sorry I was just…”

Jiwoo was too afraid to tell her to keep going so she asked, “Just?”

“Nothing," she said a little too quickly. She cleared her throat. "Usually, I’m suspended over my clients for this part but you’re not on the table...”

_Uh._

“...So, can I straddle you?”

Jiwoo didn’t trust herself to make any noise at all so she nodded her head hoping Sooyoung would get the message.

She skillfully weaved her way through Jiwoo’s back. It was getting harder and harder for Jiwoo to resist the fire growing in her belly with Sooyoung’s weight partially on top of her. If she thought that was bad, Sooyoung just had to rock back and forth the slightest amount as she massaged the length of her back. It took every single ounce of self-control for Jiwoo to lay still.

What the hell was Sooyoung doing? What the hell did she want from Jiwoo?

All she could think about were the other things they could have been doing in her bed, so many things, and then Jiwoo remembered she was a virgin.

The lull of Sooyoung’s hands and the soothing feeling won over Jiwoo’s lust. The last thing she remembered was feeling the most relaxed she had felt in ages. She doesn’t remember falling asleep, but she woke up to the smell of lavender and detergent. She was still half-clothed, partially face down, and underneath blankets that kept her warm throughout the night. 

She had slept in Sooyoung’s bed. Rolling over, she found her neighbor facing away, sleeping beside her. She was clothed.

Jiwoo slipped on her clothes and out the door. It was the last time she would ever step foot in Sooyoung’s apartment.

If you had asked Jiwoo then why she stopped spending time with the woman she had previously been joined at the hip with, she would have laughed it off and said no such person existed. Sitting in front of Heejin now, it was time for her to be honest.

“In high school, I kept my feelings hidden from my best friend because I didn’t want to lose her but with Sooyoung, my feelings kept spilling out of me and she did things that gave me hope that she felt the same, yet I felt like I was just seeing things. I was scared of the possibility she cared about me in that way. I couldn’t even talk to her about it so I was afraid to be vulnerable and I was afraid to face the truth so I pretended like she was nothing to me. I was a coward.”

A loud slurp launched Jiwoo out from within her thoughts. Her voice dropped an octave in annoyance, “When the fuck did you sit down?”

Sitting next to Heejin, Jinsol stared at her innocently with wide eyes and weirdly expressive eyebrows. Heejin had scooted closer to the wall to make room for Jinsol as though she was an old friend.

Unfazed, Jinsol took another loud sip from her own iced Americano. “I asked my manager for a quick break earlier ‘cause it’s quiet today. I didn’t wanna miss this dramatic retelling and you never told me about this foreplay!”

“Jinsol! Break’s over!” sang a sweet voice from the kitchen. 

It sent tingles down Jiwoo’s spine and her mind reeling. Something about that voice was so familiar...

“Damn, you didn’t even get to the fire part but I gotta go or else Vi might serve my head on a platter. She’s unexpectedly harsh for someone who looks like she wouldn’t hurt a fly. See you guys later! Heejin, nice meeting you again!”

“Yeah, you too!” She seemed a lot less tense than before, but there was something unreadable in her eyes. Listening to her talk about Sooyoung couldn’t have been easy.

The girl with flowing black hair skipped away and in her place food arrived for Jiwoo and Heejin. The mysterious voice was pushed to the back of her mind.

They ate in comfortable silence, savoring their food although Jiwoo could not comprehend why someone would choose to eat avocado toast over chicken and waffles in the morning. They talked about iced Americanos and how they enjoyed the cold drinks even in wintertime amongst other things.

Heejin deliberately avoided Jiwoo’s story. She wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. 

Every time Jinsol passed by, she would swipe her pen against Jiwoo’s head much to the annoyance of the girl. Jiwoo exploded, “Yah, you have bangs too, don’t you? Last time I checked, I was a _paying_ customer at this fine establishment and so far our waitress hasn’t earned her tip!”

Jinsol paled, “No, I need your money, Jiwoo.”

“Then refill my Americano!” She added with a syrupy sweet smile, “Please.”

“Be glad I need your money,” Jinsol muttered as she walked away with her glass.

Heejin scratched her head. “You guys just became friends and you can speak to her like that easily? It’s like you’ve known her forever.”

“Well, I mean I have technically known her for a few months, I just didn’t like her back then. Can’t you talk to people easily as well?

The younger girl exhaled in amusement, “I can’t imagine why, Jinsol is pretty likable. And no, my friends say I’m too serious.”

“What about when we met?”

“You were an exception.”

Jiwoo gulped and rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly. “I think you have a good balance,” she said, ignoring Heejin’s other statement, “You can be a little too serious at times but I know you’re secretly a goofball too, and you know how to have a good time.”

“It’s because of you, Jiwoo. Because you taught me how to enjoy the little things in the present.” A bittersweet smile rested on her lips.

She blinked, “I did?” Heejin put her hand on Jiwoo’s hand. It was a genuinely sweet and gentle gesture.

“You did.” Then, she pulled away.

It struck Jiwoo how much she didn’t deserve to have someone like Heejin in her life. She promised herself she would treat her better in the future if Heejin still wanted to be her friend. She might not and Jiwoo would be willing to accept that because she knew the younger girl deserved more.

She cleared her throat, “Where did I leave off? Oh, right so…”

\--- 

Around campus, people whispered when they noticed one of the most popular seniors no longer trailed behind the equally popular underclassman whose presence illuminated the halls of the science wings just as much as the fluorescent lights did. 

Back at the beginning of the semester, Jiwoo had gotten a part-time job as a sales consultant at a nearby jewelry shop with a salary slightly higher than the minimum wage. Luckily, she snatched the position despite her young age due to her intimate familiarity with shiny things and her “intrinsic interpersonal skills”. In other words, people would flock to the store just to see her which made for good business. For some reason, the attention she received now didn’t make her as happy as it once did.

She also earned good cash as a surprisingly effective all-around science tutor. Jiwoo scheduled at least 8 sessions a week because she was well sought after, and for good reason. For starters, she was a lot younger and more enthusiastic than normal tutors, which high schoolers adored. Her sunny disposition helped them enjoy their otherwise boring and tedious lessons.

She had initially begun with inorganic chemistry in her freshman year but found it too rigid for her taste. From there, she took on physics but disliked the constant mathematical problems then she migrated to biology which she enjoyed much more. Later in her junior year, Jiwoo would find a home within the environmental science department.

She put in countless hours attempting to understand the dense material even if she didn’t like it because she came to college to study, not to party. If she didn’t learn anything, paying for tuition and putting herself through $20 budgets for the week would have all been for nothing.

Meanwhile, Sooyoung threw herself deeper into her craft and entertained a posse of fangirls who insisted on accompanying her everywhere in between classes. She was spotted at almost every party displaying the reason why she was given the nickname “Saint Yves” as she set eyes and hearts ablaze with her superior dance abilities in her designer clothes. Yet despite her many attractive suitors, men and women alike, she turned them all down and was never seen leaving with anyone.

It puzzled her but it’s not like Jiwoo kept tabs on her or anything.

After Thanksgiving break was over, a vicious rumor circulated concerning Sooyoung and her alleged nighttime activities. 

Jiwoo was in the middle of humoring Jungeun, who had decided to pay her best friend a visit since her college had a few extra days left before resuming class. Hyunjin sat next to Jungeun, content to be petted for the time being.

The brunette deftly paced back and forth across the living room. “So what? When a customer is rude, you cannot get mad! Because then you’ll lose your job! When stuff like that happens, you need to smile and just move them along to your boss!”

“What if they get pushy? What would you do then?” The blonde already knew the answer but she enjoyed seeing Jiwoo all riled up.

“I can handle being insulted but if they laid so much as a stinky finger on me, I’d beat the living shit out of them! Duh!”

Hard, angry knocks sounded at Jiwoo’s door. Hyunjin left the couch and perched herself on the kitchen counter. The cat had a perfect view for the ensuing conversation.

She threw Jungeun a confused look but speedily went to open the door, revealing her furious neighbor. She started, “Sooyoung, wh-”

But the older girl cut her off, fuming, “I gave you space. I respected your privacy, yet you went around behind my back and told the entire campus that I was fucking people for money?” She ran her hand through her long hair. “What kind of a cruel, sadistic person does that to someone? Do you have any idea what happened to my reputation? God, I trusted you! ”

Jiwoo calmly steeled herself and bared her teeth, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

The younger girl was quite the social butterfly and made acquaintances as easily as bees made honey, but she was constantly out of the loop when it came to the rumor mill; she would hear things sometimes but she was too busy to care about such trivial things. She had no reason nor want to ever engage in such immature behavior.

Sooyoung slammed her palm against the doorframe and spat lowly, “Bullshit. Who else would do this to me?” Jiwoo saw her vision tunneling and knew she needed to snap out of it. Getting angry would only make things worse.

The shorter girl took in a clarifying breath of air. She stood up straight and found herself at eye level with her hunched-over neighbor. 

“Why would I, Sooyoung? Get your facts straight and your shit together before you accuse innocent people of things they haven’t done. Goodnight.” Jiwoo slammed the door in her face. Once it was closed, she leaned her head and her arms against the painted wood. She banged the side of her fist against the hard surface over and over again until she focused on Jungeun’s voice. 

“Jiwoo? Hey Jiwoo, are you okay?” The blonde moved to comfort her friend but like a trained actress, Jiwoo turned around and flashed her a show-stopping grin. The pain in her hand pulsed along with her heartbeat.

“That was an excellent demonstration showing the importance of staying rational during emotionally heated conversations!”

If cats could sigh, Hyunjin would have just released a heavy one. Jungeun deflated and sat back down on the couch. “For the love of all things in this world, stop grinning like a fucking maniac. You’re allowed to be upset, Jiwoo.”

Jiwoo’s smile faded into frustrated embarrassment. “Too much, huh? I almost miss when you would believe me I was okay when I smiled.”

Flicking Jiwoo’s forehead and pulling her into a much-needed hug, Jungeun said, “I never believed you but I respected your space. You were, and still are, a terrible liar.” 

She stayed in Jungeun’s arm until her heart stopped beating a million miles per minute, pulling away only when she was calm again. They sat down on the couch in silence for a minute. Unsure, Jungeun then hesitantly threw out a question.

“So, who was that?” The blonde watched a myriad of emotions flash across her best friend’s face.

“M-my neighbor,” Jiwoo sniffled. “J-just my neighbor.”

The girl collapsed onto Jungeun’s lap, sobbing intensely so Jungeun soothingly ran her hand through her honeyed hair. Jiwoo’s neighbor was another secret the girl had kept hidden from her best friend.

The cat sat on the floor in front of the TV and sadly watched her owner’s soul crack a little more.

Sooyoung didn’t bother her again. The two went through a great deal of trouble to avoid each other since they already intimately knew the other’s schedule. For the rest of the semester, neither said more than a “hello” or “good morning” to each other. Both girls waited for something that wasn’t going to happen.

When Jiwoo knew Sooyoung wasn’t supposed to be home, she slipped the key Sooyoung gave her under Apartment 1010’s doormat. As she descended the stairs, the occupant of 1010 flung open her door only to be met by the lonely December air.

(The deities winced and shook their heads in disapproval.)

Tragedy struck during Christmas break. Neither Jiwoo nor Sooyoung had a family to go back to for the holidays, so both girls stayed at the barren apartment complex. They were each painfully aware of their neighbor not ten feet away. They still weren’t talking.

When Jiwoo had come of the legal drinking age, she had started going out with her friends every so often after a particularly hard week. On Christmas Eve, she was invited to a pub party where she got crossfaded. 

While she was there, a guy groped her ass so she broke his nose with one deft strike from the heel of her palm. She finished him off with a powerful elbow strike to his temple and he crumpled to the floor like a perverted sack of flour. Then, she realized it was late and all her friends were either drunk or missing so she called Jungeun to pick her up. 

Jiwoo didn’t know it but her neighbor was awake, crossfaded as well but alone with her wine, her weed, and her thoughts. The older girl felt like darkening Jiwoo’s doorstep, but she voted against it. No one would have answered anyway.

At midnight, she got hungry so she lit the stove, boiling enough water to make about 4 packs of ramen. All was calm until she spotted a familiar furry creature crawling in from her open balcony.

“Hyunjin? What- How’d you get in here?”

Olivia’s ears perked up. She cocked her head at her owner before settling her gaze on the intruder.

Chaos broke loose. Olivia began to bark uncontrollably at the cat, who leaped off the balcony and scrambled into the apartment. She vaulted onto Olivia’s head and clawed at her ears, both animals screeching and howling.

In a flurry of events, Sooyoung tried to separate the fighting animals. Numerous times Sooyoung nearly succeeded but then Hyunjin’s sharp claws would slice the skin of her arms. Every attack against her owner enraged Olivia even more as she chased the cat around the apartment. 

Sooyoung forgot about the lit burners and the ramen bubbled over violently, spreading flames across the stovetop. A stray piece of plastic found its way near the stove, and a flicker jumped to the oven mitts, and then the cupboards. 

When Sooyoung noticed it was getting hot, it was too late. Her kitchen was absorbed by cheerful yellow-orange flames. She lifted her dog and sprinted through the exit to escape the heat. She set Olivia down and held by her collar, debating going back inside for Hyunjin and any belongings she could get.

Her grip on Olivia’s collar weakened by a tiny fraction but that was all the dog needed. Olivia slipped out, rushing back into the blazing hell. A freak gust of wind shut the door. Sooyoung burned her hand trying to pry open. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a silver key on the floor.

She screamed for everyone on the floor to wake up and evacuate, forgetting that hardly anyone was there. If she were in a proper state of mind, she would have remembered that she had a fire extinguisher under the sink. Even if she forgot that she could have pulled the fire alarm immediately after she got out. 

She was panicking and high out of her mind. The unsuspecting burgundy door with tendrils of smoke billowing out taunted her and the dog collar clutched tightly in her uninjured hand.

Luckily, someone on her floor pulled the fire alarm for her. It was useless. By some freak accident or some cruel joke implemented by the universe, the sprinklers malfunctioned. The brunette was dragged onto the staircase, screaming her throat raw with tears in her eyes. The shrill cries of the fire alarm mocked her as her feet carried her away from the home she had built.

She froze, watching everything in a suspended state of animation where she felt neither dead nor alive. She saw the firetrucks and the firefighters arrive, courageously heading into the top floors of the building. She saw Jiwoo arrive with someone, maybe her girlfriend from the way they acted. Her voice reverberated through the walls of Sooyoung’s mind. The weight of Olivia’s collar in her hand grounded her.

Right then, she decided she never wanted to see Jiwoo again, and Jiwoo felt the same after she heard the official report from Yeojin. It was easier for her to blame Sooyoung, for a little while at least.

Their hatred for each other would stew over unpredictable flames for their foreseeable futures, both blaming and hating themselves and each other but too prideful to boil over first. They parted ways without ever saying goodbye.

With Jungeun’s help, Jiwoo relocated to a smaller apartment equidistant from her classes and her part-time job. It’s not like there was much to move anyway. Luckily, Jiwoo was fortunate enough to store her essential documents and belongings in a fireproof safe. Her trusty laptop was there, along with papers confirming her identity but almost everything else was lost. 

Yeojin generously paid for Jiwoo’s rent the following spring semester (purely because she took responsibility for the faulty sprinkler system), which meant Jiwoo could focus on surviving and saving money for her and Hyunjin for the time being.

She didn’t know and told herself that she didn’t care what happened to Sooyoung after the fire. Jiwoo said it every day until she almost believed it.

She swore off love. She buried herself in her studies and buried her feelings even deeper so she turned to other things to satisfy the vacancy in her life. Jiwoo entertained a few men but found that it didn’t feel the same as when she was with women. 

And Jiwoo saw a lot of women. 

She was courteous about it, though. If she enjoyed her one-night stand, she’d keep her around for a little while before politely explaining that it wasn’t working out. She was such a sweetheart about it that they let her go easily and bid their farewells amicably. She never gained that playgirl reputation, not sweet Jiwoo.

Her sincerity was real, but deep down she knew what she was doing. She could manage the guilt during the day as long as she was able to forget about it at night.

The girl met Heejin in the late spring of her junior year. Jungeun was tired of seeing Jiwoo using girls so blatantly so she pushed her to use dating apps genuinely. There, she found Heejin.

They were inexplicably drawn to each other, these wandering souls in search of replacing their other half.

She liked Heejin a lot more than she expected so she ditched her one-night stands in favor of being with her instead. She didn't have to stop seeing other people, but it felt like the right thing to do.

The reason they worked out so well despite Jiwoo’s lack of typical dating slash relationship experience was because Heejin went to a different college. At first, their relationship could be roughly defined as “friends with benefits” however, neither one ever said it out loud. But as time went on, Jiwoo noticed how Heejin’s visits became a weekly occurrence despite the half-hour commute and how the younger clung to Jiwoo a little more possessively. 

Being as flirtatious and caring as Jiwoo was, she accidentally fooled Heejin into thinking she meant more to Jiwoo than she did in reality. It was too late to stop it, so Heejin fell for someone who was never hers to love.

Since they never clarified themselves, over the summer Jiwoo continued to use the younger girl with willful ignorance and dismissed her lingering stares and longer touches chalking it up to a friendly fondness. 

In early autumn, she enrolled in driving school. Jiwoo never brought up the topic of Chaewon to Heejin because one, she ignorantly believed she was still hung up on a figment of the past, and two, Chaewon ghosted her and the driving class after that night at the bar.

“Chaewon...you don’t mean Park Chaewon, do you?” Heejin paled as though she had seen a ghost.

Jiwoo nodded her head seriously. “Moody smoker who’s kinda scary looking but somehow looks like a cheesy polar bear cub with jet black hair?” It was an oddly specific description but Heejin understood it.

Heejin frowned, mumbling, “You know, she used to be blonde. I heard that’s what became of her after…”

Curiosity and concern filled Jiwoo’s face. “After what? What happened between you and her, Heekkie?” 

The nickname didn’t feel as right as it once did before. Looking at Jiwoo warily, Heejin sighed, “That’s a long story.”

“You’ve been patiently listening to me ramble for the last half hour.” She switched on her pleading puppy dog face, “Please, I need a break.”

She conceded, “Alright fine, but you’re continuing the rest of your story right after.”

Jiwoo held out her hand, “Deal.” Heejin shook it firmly.

By the time Heejin finished, Jiwoo’s mouth had been on the floor for about a minute. “That was the most ridiculous story I’ve ever heard! She really had the nerve to act like that?”

Heejin laughed, but not unkindly. “That’s rich coming from you, Jiwoo.” Her smile seemed a little more genuine.

Jiwoo playfully scoffed, “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that!”

They cracked up loud enough for the few other patrons to glare at them, but they didn’t notice or care. 

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are appreciated! I'll be back with the next chapter sometime in the next week :)
> 
> twitter: @burningbbc


End file.
